


The Kendo Kenobi Chronicles, Chronicle One

by The_Lady_Ren



Category: Star Wars, Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Ben Solo - Freeform, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), Force Healer, Jedi, Jedi Knight, Kendo Kenobi - Freeform, Kylo Ren - Freeform, Lightsaber, Lightsabers, Luke Skywalker - Freeform, New Jedi Order, Original Character(s), Pre-Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Princess Leia Organa - Freeform, Star Wars - Freeform, The Force, fan fiction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-30
Updated: 2016-08-14
Packaged: 2018-07-19 07:45:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 36,834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7352215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Lady_Ren/pseuds/The_Lady_Ren
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kendo Kenobi, Jedi Knight and Novice Force Healer is on a routine mission when she sees her old friend, Ben Solo. Their shared history and lingering feelings put their commitment to the Jedi Order in jeopardy. While Ben tries desperately to hide a lingering darkness from Kendo and his Jedi Masters, Kendo attempts to help reaffirm Ben's commitment to the Jedi. Or has he already fallen too far to the Dark?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Western Reaches System

"KENDO KENOBI!" I heard my name called out across the crowded and dusty bazaar. I turned towards the familiar voice and saw him standing there, a wide grin spreading across his face. I responded to the waving figure, "Ben Solo! Is that really you?" Then wove my way in and out of the warm press of bodies mingling amongst the stalls. It had been a long time since I had seen my friend, and here of all places...a backwater bazaar on a backwater world. I closed the gap between us and he enveloped me in his long lean frame for a warm embrace.

Ben and I had known each other since childhood. I was brought to the Jedi Temple as an infant, barely able to even hold my head up. I was recognized as Force sensitive even before my mother gave birth to me, and as the new Jedi Order was still being established after the Galactic Civil War, I was brought to the Temple to be raised and trained under Jedi Master Luke Skywalker. Ben was the nephew of Master Skywalker, and only a few months older than me. We had been inseparable as Younglings and Padawans, only going our separate ways when we completed our Trials and became Knights. I focused on the path of a healer, learning how to manipulate the Force to help and heal the sick and injured while Ben took a more traditional path, focusing on combat and the training of young Force sensitive individuals. Seeing him here unexpectedly was a welcome surprise. I felt a familiar tug in the center of my chest and ignored it as I broke our embrace and smiled up at him, taking inventory of a face I'd not seen in so long. His black hair fell in front of his eyes, and he pushed it back, giving me his crooked smile again.  
"Kendo! What a great surprise to see you! It's been what? Five years since our Trials? What brings you to this place?"

I laughed, feeling his arm draped loosely around my shoulder. It felt familiar and reassuring. I suddenly realized how much I had missed him.  
"We're here sourcing supplies for our medical care ship,'"I replied, "there's a plant that only grows in this system, and it's a key ingredient in a common medication that we use. Our stock is running low, so I'm here to replenish". He looked at me so intently, the Force thrumming off of him in waves. Ben had always been one of, if not the most, powerful Jedi I had ever encountered. Just being in his presence made me feel more in tune with my sensitivities. "What about you, Ben? What brings you to this place?"  
With his arm around my shoulders, we moved through the tangle of people, our robes and lightsabers drawing curious stares and glances. The Empire's propaganda machine had indeed made our order nearly obsolete, even in the minds of its people. 

"As usual, seeking out Force sensitives and the last remnants of the Empire." He replied, leading me through the crowd. We came upon a small outdoor eating place and sat down. Steaming cups of the local preferred tea were placed in front of us as we relaxed for a moment in a comfortable silence.

I breathed in the hot and fragrant steam from my drink and leaned back, contemplating my old friend and our long history.  
It was no secret to the Jedi what had been between us. Our trials made that apparent, and that was why the conclusion of our test was the last time we had seen one another. We had grown from playmates to close friends until eventually we couldn't deny the pull we felt for one other any longer, and our attachment fell under the watchful gaze of Master Skywalker. We couldn't go on like that and still be a part of the Jedi order. No secrets, no lies would be tolerated as they had before the destruction of the Old Republic, when Anakin Skywalker fell and became Darth Vader because of his selfish love for his secret wife. In Luke Skywalker's new Jedi Order, attachments of that sort were not permitted and young Jedi were watched closely. Jedi who were involved in romantic relationships had a difficult choice to make, your romance or your commitment to the Order. A strict and sometimes harsh rule, one that oftentimes young Padawans in love (or more often than not, lust) didn't understand, but one that was in place nonetheless. The Trial Ben and I endured was difficult and aimed at determining if we were able to detach from one another. Eventually I was the one who made the decision to continue with the Order. I chose to go forward with my training and become a healer. Ben was hurt and we argued fiercely. It was different for him, he had his family regardless of whether he was involved in the Order or not.

In contrast, I had never met my mother and father, that was part of the agreement when your child was given to the Jedi, and it was recommended to avoid those sorts of attachments. The Order was my family, I had nothing else. Our chance meeting on this dusty outer rim territory brought all of those old feelings rushing back to me. I was glad to see him, but because of our previous affair and how things ended, it was obvious there was a lot left unsaid.

I collected my thoughts and inhaled deeply, feeling the Force move through me and calm me, centering my attention on the present. Looking across the table at Ben, I attempted to make casual conversation with him. 

"Are you here on your own?" I asked, sipping my tea. 

He grinned again and leaned back in his chair, "Yes," he replied, "this is my first solo mission." He crossed one long, black clad leg over the other and leaned forward, his hands coming closer to mine, but not touching...yet. Even with a few inches between our fingertips I could feel the Force crackle and pop. 

"What about you?", he asked. "Are you going on assignments alone yet? Do you enjoy being a healer?"

I drew my hands back a bit to put some more space between us and sat up a little taller. "Yes, actually I go on quite a few supply missions on my own. There is a lack of healers within the Order at this time, so we all have too many assignments as it is. Pairing us up unnecessarily only spreads us even thinner." What we referred to as The Order was really a loose structure of Force sensitives and their apprentices. Master Skywalker was working hard to bring back what was lost, but Force sensitives from around the Galaxy were scared because of the Order's tragic history. We had more Younglings than Masters and Knights combined, though, which was a good sign for the future. 

Our medical team had so few trained healers and such lofty goals. Establishing over a hundred new medical centers to areas of the Galaxy in need being our biggest one. But with only three healers and not a lot of interest from Padawans, our outlook was pretty dire. 

I pointed to the gleaming stone in the center of my forehead, "I sometimes wonder if the implant and the Grey Jedi distinction is what keeps the young ones away." I spoke in reference to the small kyber crystal implant, used to focus and expand upon the healer's manipulation of the Force. "It's difficult for many Jedi to understand the necessity of the Grey Jedi when it comes to healing."  
As healers, we are trained in more grey areas of the Force, and it's necessary for us to do things that would normally conflict with the Jedi Code. Ben looked at my left wrist and saw the soft grey braided cord there. '"I had forgotten about that," he said, grazing the cord on my wrist with the fingertips of his left hand, sending shivers of Force energy up my arm. Then he wrapped his fingers around my wrist. With his right index finger he brushed the kyber crystal on my forehead. "I like it," he said. Too familiar. Too easily he had slipped into old habits. It was tempting to slip into our former dynamic, it would be so easy and comfortable. It was becoming more and more difficult to do so, but I pushed those thoughts out of my mind and gently pulled my wrist away, my heart skipping a beat at the disruption in our contact. I smiled widely and made eye contact with him, exuding as much kindness as I could. I had broken his heart, and my own as well with my decision, but seeing him made me realize that my feelings for him were still there, just under the surface. I was firm in my decision to remain in the Order, but I wanted to be kind to him.

 

"I love what I do." I responded, finally. "I feel like I am learning something new every day and really making an impact with my work. It's not easy, but I enjoy it."

"That's wonderful," he said, leaning back again in his seat. "My work is interesting. I enjoy teaching the Younglings, and more and more Force sensitive children are being identified all the time. Parents are actually starting to contact the Order when and if they find out their baby could be Force Sensitive, much like your parents did before your birth." He lowered his voice, "not that anyone coming through these days could compare to you, of course. You have your genetics on your side. As do I."

Both of our families were strong with the Force. He was the son of Leia Organa-Solo and Han Solo, heroes of the Rebel Alliance during the Galactic Civil War and leaders within the coalition to rebuild and maintain the New Republic. While I didn't know my mother and father, I was aware of my lineage. My surname came from my grandfather, Obi-Wan Kenobi. A great Jedi Knight and accomplished General during the Clone Wars. While even the old Order did not allow its Knights to marry, my father was the result of a clandestine encounter between Obi-Wan and the Dutchess Sabine of Mandalore. The Dutchess had kept my father's birth a secret from General Kenobi to protect him, but gave him his father's last name to honor him and the love that they shared. More secrets, more hidden love affairs. The Jedi Order was rife with the weaknesses of sentient beings. 

He continued, "How long are you in this system?"

 

"About a week. I'll basically be doing exactly what I was doing today, scouring local shops and bazaars for the plant we need throughout this system."

"Mind some company? I've got about a week in this system, too. Maybe we can team up."

We made eye contact and I could see he was genuinely excited at the prospect of us sharing a mission. I didn't sense anything from him in particular, but I was wary. His thoughts were closely guarded, and I didn't want to lead him on.

"I don't mind, per se. I am just wondering what Master Skywalker's advice would be," I smiled at him and laughed softly.

He smirked and crossed his arms across his chest, "Well, he probably would not be pleased", he admitted, sitting forward again and resting his chin against his left hand, "but what fun would that be?"

I laughed. "What about your ship?"

"Oh I don't have one as of yet. I was dropped off and will be picked up. The Order is short on ships at this time and one couldn't be spared for my mission. What about you? Still got that banged up Corelian Cruiser?"

"BANGED UP?" I replied, getting defensive over my old and worn down little planet hopper. "Your father helped me keep that thing together with string and Wookie spit!" I watched as his brow lowered and his mood darkened. I had forgotten about that it seems, his tenuous and difficult relationship with his parents, especially his father.  
The clouds in his eyes quickly cleared and he smiled brightly again, "Well, he did always like you better," referring to the close friendship I had with Han. I liked tinkering with starships, Ben did not. 

He changed the subject quickly and moved to get up. "Let me at least see the old pile of junk before we decide what we're going to do." He tossed a few credits onto our table and came to my side, offering his hand to help me up. "I promise, I will be an exemplary Jedi Knight," he said bowing his head towards me, "and of course I will respect any decision you make." 

I stood up, not even coming up to his shoulder, straightening my robes and lightsaber belt. "Well I suppose that would be harmless enough,"I replied, taking the lead and moving towards the spaceport (more like garage) where I'd stowed my ship for the time being. I felt his fingertips against the small of my back as he followed me, sending that Force tingle up my spine. I centered myself again, reaffirming my dedication not only to myself but also to the Order and the opportunities it had given me. This day had already taken an unexpected turn, I wondered what else it had in store for me.


	2. Back at the Spaceport

We arrived back at my ship after a short walk through the little city that the bazaar had been. There she sat, scarred and patched up, but every bit as sturdy as the Millennium Falcon herself. I came across her in a junk pile and Han helped me get her back up and running and keep her running over the years. These small Corellian Cruisers, usually personal space craft with quarters for around four people and fairly impressive defensive weapons, were rare even in their day. My ship was a source of pride for me, as silly as it was. 

Ben ran up to the ship, running his hand along the bottom and laughing. "I didn't think this thing would last this long!" He leaned against one of the landing legs and turning to face me, his black robes ruffling lightly in the breeze. I caught up to him and pulled the ladder down from the hatch. 

"Did you know these things were considered luxury cruisers when the Corellians first made them," he continued, following me up the ladder.

"I did know that." I said, entering the main cabin of my ship. I had made some recent modifications to the interior, and I was excited and nervous to have Ben see them for the first time. He entered the cabin behind me and gasped.

"Wow!" He said softly, taking it in, "you've really restored her to her former glory!" The main cabin gleamed, every surface cleaned and repaired. It didn't look like new, but it certainly looked like a ship I had worked hard on restoring. I knew the Order had a limited number of ships and I wanted to be as independent as I could to relieve the burden on the Order. I took a few weeks and spent every day polishing and repairing, transforming it from a knock around space ship to a true starship. I made one of the quarters into a small meditation and training room, ensuring I would be able to be comfortable and prepared on my missions. Ben walked from room to room, admiring my work.

"I'm even prepared to give care here if need be," I said, opening compartments and revealing medical equipment. "I really wanted to be as well equipped and independent as possible." 

He came over to me and rubbed my shoulder reassuringly, "you've done a great job! I'm sure the healers must have been impressed!" I smiled up at him in response. He looked at me intently and said, "so what do you think? Should we go our separate ways or should we team up? You know, to keep each other safe. There's still a lot of people in the galaxy who don't care for Jedi. We would be safer than on our own. I would also save some credits, not having to hire transportation or rent quarters to sleep. What do you say?"

I scanned him. His tall, lanky frame, his long strong hands and fingers. I looked hard into his face, his thick black hair pushed back and his dark eyes gleaming. I felt his happiness at seeing me, I saw his past hurt and tasted it in the back of my throat. The feelings he had for me, they were still there, behind that smile, lingering there...and...something else, something darker. I felt him close off his thoughts and his mind as he stepped closer to me, leaning with his right hand against the wall and staring down at me, a serious expression on his face. "If you say no, Kendo, I will understand." But I knew he would not. I knew he would be hurt all over again and I felt that stinging taste in my throat return, reminding me of what that had felt like.

Could we do it? Could we share a mission, be in relatively close quarters for a week without slipping into old habits? I didn't know for sure. But for the sake of our old friendship, I knew that I should try. I nodded softly, breaking our intense eye contact and moving away from him, "I think we can try it, Ben." He grabbed me from behind and spun me around, embracing me in a tight and relieved hug. 

"I'm so glad, Kendo," he said, genuine happiness spreading throughout his frame, "I think we're going to have a lot of fun." But I wasn't as certain as he. 

 

Later on, after heading back to the city to pick up some rations, we took off, onto our next destination. We synced up our itineraries to make the most of our decision to team up. This system had four habitable planets and moons and we had to hit up the other three over the course of the next week. It would be an easy and more relaxed mission than usual since we could help each other out and there wasn't that much ground to cover. I was starting to think that this could be a welcome break from my usual never stop pace. 

We slipped into a comfortable repoire again, easily chatting with one another like it hadn't been two years since we'd seen each other. I showed him where he would be sleeping so he could stow his pack. 

"It's small, but it will do!" I said, opening the hatch to the second bunk on the ship. I moved some cases from there to the training room to give him a bit more space. 

"Better than where I've been sleeping on missions," he replied, referring to the usual accommodations that Jedi had when out on assignment. Sometimes it was a local hostel, sometimes it was wrapped in your robes under whatever stars you happened to be under that night. The possession of a personal space craft was a luxury not everyone had. I certainly did not take mine for granted. 

He dropped his pack in a corner and sat down on the bunk, patting the mattress and beckoning me to come sit next to him. Reluctantly I obliged. It was hard trying to feign discomfort when I really did feel so at home with him. 

"I, uh, wanted to clear the air a bit," he started, staring at his hands dangling between his parted legs. He was uncomfortable with being so direct, as was I, but after a momentary awkward feeling in my stomach, I appreciated his effort. He turned his head towards me, his hands still dangling there, his fingers clasping and unclasping. 

"I do not want to be dishonest and pretend that I don't have feelings for you," his voice was soft but firm, "but I would much rather have you in my life as a colleague and a friend then not have you at all. I have searched my feelings and found this to be true." He locked eyes with me and opened his thoughts so that I could feel him earnestly trying. "I want to be your best friend again." He took a deep breath and looked down at his wringing hands again, waiting for my response. 

I looked into myself to search for my own truth. Was it the same for me? Could I suspend my affections for him and appreciate him for what he was and could be again, my best friend, my training partner and someone I could learn from? I pushed my ego aside, closed my eyes and breathed in. I reached out with the Force, the crystal implant on my forehead tingling as I searched his feelings as well, pushing in softly and slowly, feeling that prickling darkness at the very edges again. What was that. What was he hiding from me? 

I felt him slowly and gently tangle with my consciousness, guiding me away from his neural pathways and the things he left closed off. I felt his warmth and respect for me envelop me and distract me, leading me back to myself. I felt his fingers around my wrist again, gently feeling my pulse and syncing his breath with mine. I was reassured again and I exhaled, fluttering my eyes open as I looked at him and smiled. No reply was even necessary at this point, he knew my feelings and knew I was willing to try. I realized that we and those we helped were better served by us being able to work together rather than trying to avoid one another. Our strengths were magnified by uniting. This would be yet another Trial in a sense, but one we could both truly grow from. 

"The power in that crystal, Kendo," he said finally, breaking the silence. He brushed it again with his fingertips, his eyes widening. "What was it like to have that implanted?" 

I leaned back against the back wall of the bunk and unbuckled my lightsaber, placing it on a small shelf. "It was much the same as when we sought the crystals for our lightsabers," I said, referring to the journey to the Crystal Caves of Ilum that we made as Younglings. "This time, however, I was left blindfolded, only able to use my hearing and touch and Force sensitivities to find it before the cave froze over. When I returned to the temple with the crystal, it was shaped and mounted, then implanted by my Healing Master." 

The procedure was quick and relatively pain free and left the crystal in the very center of my forehead, channeling and focusing the Force through me. "Nothing could prepare me for the intense rush I felt when it was first implanted, though," I went on, referring to the instant magnification of my own capabilities, flooding me and overwhelming me at first. "It took about a week to get it under control, then another month of intense training to learn how to manipulate my heightened senses. It was like learning to use the Force all over again, I felt like a clumsy Youngling."

He laughed, standing up and pulling me to my feet. "Let's get to where we need to go so we can grab some food," he said, moving past me towards the door and heading towards the cockpit. "I haven't eaten all day and I'm starving," 

He passed the shelf I left my lightsaber on and paused, picking it up and handing it to me. "Your lightsaber should always be at your side," he admonished, "even around me." He gestured to his own saber, clipped firmly to his belt. It looked different than the one he had two years ago, but I didn't get a chance to ask as he continued on. 

"We can never be too comfortable and too sure after what has happened to our Order in the past." He referred to Darth Vader's assault on the temple and the execution of Order 66, commanding the Clone Army to slaughter Jedi all across the galaxy in the years before the Galactic Civil War. I felt that prickling darkness again as his thoughts turned towards his grandfather and the evil he had wrought across the galaxy, but he quickly pushed it from his mind, "Come on," he said, his eyes bright again, "let's get going." I followed him towards the cockpit and sat down in the pilot's seat while he took up the co-pilot position.

I snapped switches and turned knobs to get my ship ready for our short journey, "I know a good place to eat at our next stop," he said as I took off, pushing the ship up and free from the gravitational pull of the planet. "Hopefully they're open when we get there." He punched in the coordinates as we entered space, shooting towards our next destination. I turned to look at him and felt his smile tug at my heart strings again. Here we go, I thought, not just referring to my take off.


	3. The Dark of Night

I awoke very early after a night of fitful sleep. We had landed and parked the ship for the night and then went out to get food, talking and catching up the whole way. 

I was beginning to be pleased with my decision to not only merge our missions, but also to give our friendship another shot. 

After returning to the ship and saying our goodnights, we retired to our separate quarters, but I spent most of the night tossing and turning, my mind turning towards the darkness I had felt during my probe of Ben's consciousness earlier.   
It just wasn't as easy to turn my mind away from it when I had so much going on in my head. 

Finally I realized there wouldn't be much sleep tonight, so I got up from my bunk and pulled some soft leggings and a top on. I might as well throw myself into meditation if I wasn't going to be able to sleep, at least then I would quiet things down in my head.

I entered my meditation and training room and put on some soft dim lights, trying to be quiet so as not to wake Ben. I padded across the soft flooring and lit some incense, taking a cross legged seat on my cushion. I closed my eyes and breathed in deeply, inhaling the relaxing scent of the incense, feeling the Force center within me. I focused on my breathing and felt my mind quiet, the Force flowing through my body in waves. 

A few minutes into my meditation, my mind wandered and reached out to Ben's sleeping mind. I didn't even intend direct my consciousness to his, my mind just went that way, and I followed. 

He was dreaming, I saw vague images in his thoughts. Those dark corners bled out into his sleeping mind, coloring his thoughts and feelings. I felt such anger there, unexpectedly. Something about Han Solo, his mother...I heard a deep mechanical inhalation and felt a great frustration. 

My mind reached further, and I felt him stir, sensing someone probing his sleep. I drew my consciousness back, focusing back on my breathing and the incense in the room. I heard him rise and stretch, opening the door to his bunk and enter the meditation chamber. He crossed the room softly and joined me in meditation, seating himself on the floor. I sensed his presence and his thoughts, confused as to why he woke up and was drawn here. But he calmed his mind and focused on the silence. 

After a good long while, I came back to myself and opened my eyes, focusing on the room and adjusting to the dim light. Ben was seated to my right, cross legged in only his black tunic trousers. I watched  his lean chest rise and fall as he came back to himself, opening his black eyes and smiling at me. "Good morning." He said, his voice still gravely from sleep and meditation. "You weren't kidding when you said you had a rather grueling training schedule."

I laughed softly. "Not usually this grueling," I said, stretching and rising to my feet, "I didn't sleep well last night, so I gave up and came to meditate instead." He nodded, "I hope it's not my presence here that caused you to not sleep well," he said, looking down, "I don't want to cause you any distress."

"No," I responded, "if I have anxiety about your being here, it's entirely my fault. I'll get my head sorted, don't worry about me." I crossed the room and pulled on my lightsaber belt. "In the mean time, since you're here and we're both up, let's get some training done."

I ignited my lightsaber and it's orange light and electric hum filled the room. Ben stood up and unclasped his from his belt. I glanced at it a split second before it turned on, realizing it was indeed a new one for him, then gasping as it came on, a jagged red blade with a cross guard of the same. I'd never seen anything like it before, and I backed up as he swung it around, showing off his great skill and causing it to crackle loudly. It was then that I noticed the scars up and down his bare arms, undoubtedly caused by the cross guards on his new blade. I backed myself into the wall and stopped, my jaw slack in shock over his lightsaber. 

"What do you think?" he said, holding it up for my inspection. I turned mine off and walked forward warily. 

We'd been taught in training that red crystals, both synthetic and natural, were generally used by dark Force wielders. This on top of the darkness I'd been feeling in his mind made me nervous. He sensed my hesitation and turned the blade off. 

"I assure you," he said, "regardless of the color of my lightsaber, I am not being seduced by the dark side of the Force." He smiled widely and handed me his lightsaber so that I could get a good look. 

"The crystal used to forge this blade is a natural red kyber crystal that I came upon. It's cracked, causing the Force energy to be amplified, but it also causes it to overheat, hence the exhaust ports on the cross guard," he explained, pointing out these features. "It adds to the defensive capabilities of the weapon, but makes training exceedingly difficult." He gestured to the scars up and down his arms. 

"You may turn it on, but please be exceedingly cautious. I would be very upset if you were to get hurt." 

I hefted the hilt up so that the blade would face away from me and turned it on, feeling the intense jump in my hand. I watched as the blade drew up and out, crackling angrily. An impressive lightsaber, and definitely one too powerful for me. I turned it off and handed it back to its owner. 

"It's an interesting construction," I said finally, stepping back again and taking up a defensive position. I ignited my lightsaber again and taunted him, "now let's see if you can actually use it."

He grinned broadly and turned his blade back on, "we'll see who's still standing when we're done here," he struck out at me and I blocked his blow, smiling, the Force flowing through both of us. I threw myself into our mock battle and we continued on until we both sat on the training room floor, sweaty and exhausted. 

My head fell onto his right shoulder and we sat there for a moment, collecting ourselves after our session. 

The sun rose, sending light through the small windows of the ship, illuminating the room with early morning light. The rays climbed across the floor and up our bodies, warming them with its heat. The light touched his face, highlighting his strong features and making his black hair shine faintly blue. 

He was staring at me, with the same intensity that I was staring at him. He reached out with his right hand and interlaced his fingers with mine. He leaned his head against mine and sighed softly, squeezing my hand with his. "I missed this," he said, still catching his breath from our training. 

"I did too," I responded. I felt his body relax against mine as we sat, comfortable with one another just as we always had been. I looked down at our clasped hands and suddenly came to my senses. 

I stood abruptly, unbalancing him a bit as he stood up with me. "We should get ourselves ready for the day," I said, trying to hide my red face from him as best I could. He grasped my shoulders and turned me to face him, brushing my own sweaty black hair out of my eyes. 

"Hey," he said softly. "Don't be like that. Don't be shy around me. It's going to take us some time to get our feelings sorted, but this," he gestured to the space in between us, "this is us. Just us, our friendship and our shared history. That's all. I held your hand because I want to feel the power within you, and I want you to feel the power within me. We were always affectionate, it doesn't have to have a meaning behind it other than a mutual understanding and respect. Got it?" I nodded slowly, finally looking up at him. He smiled and embraced me quickly, releasing me before I even had a chance to object.

"Now go," he said, playfully shoving me away, "you stink after that ass-kicking I handed to you. Go wash off the shame." I laughed, pushing him back. "We'll see what happens this evening!" I walked away, looking over my shoulder and smirking. He shook his head and turned his lightsaber on, practicing his forms as I walked down the hall to the washroom.


	4. A Shadow of Darkness (this chapter has some mature content)

We fell into a comfortable routine those first few days. I slept better, but still woke up very early and meditated, with Ben usually joining me shortly into my session. We would train, wash up and eat, then head out to run our mission. It felt like we were young Padawans again, teaming up to complete our training tasks, laughing and making a game of it the whole way. 

He and I complimented each other, his intensity in stark contrast to my more reserved and calm demeanor. We pushed each other in our training sessions, drawing skill and power out of one another in a way unmatched by other peers and teachers. He made me feel so alive with the Force, our auras snapping against one another while we trained with lightsabers and went through our forms. It was exhilarating and pushed any and all trepidation out of my mind. 

Ben was skilled in lightsaber combat and a passionate teacher. He would firmly correct my posture, using his blade to show me how to position mine, pacing around the room, the sweat rolling off of him. I was reasonably good with the saber, but not like him. He was raw emotion made human, his voice ringing out as he challenged me and pushed me to my edge, my arms aching from the exertion in a way they had not since I first built my saber. 

After our third day together, we headed back to the ship, preparing for our journey to our next destination. Today had been grueling. The planet we were searching today was mostly hot, steamy jungle with a few, sparse outposts. We hiked endless miles through the undergrowth with little to show for our efforts. My mysterious plant was nowhere to be found here and the word 'Jedi' invited such anger in the native inhabitants of the planet that we took great care not to reveal our identities. Our tunics were discarded for the thin undergarments we wore beneath both due to the sopping wet heat that engulfed us and to disguise our identities. We only had about three clicks to go until we got back to the ship, and I was very much looking forward to getting the dirt and grime of the jungle off of me.

Finally the small village where we left the ship started coming into view through a break in the trees. My steps quickened with renewed energy, anxious to get back to what I considered home and get comfortable finally. We came out into the open square and found ourselves suddenly surrounded by angry looking villagers. Ben and I looked at each other and reached for our hidden lightsabers. 

I heard the villagers surrounding us, angrily speaking to us, their words unintelligible as we were unfamiliar with the local dialect. Amongst the garble I could hear, 'Jedi.' Or something that probably meant the same in their language. We had been identified, and they clearly were unhappy with our presence. 

I walked forward towards them, my hands up in a gesture of openness and peace, calmly repeating, "we are leaving your planet and leaving your village. We will not return," in hopes that someone would understand my words. I did not want to engage them if it could be avoided. However, Ben seemed to immediately go on the offensive. 

I heard his powerful lightsaber ignite and turned to look at him, his stance telling me he was ready for a fight. I gestured towards him to hang back a bit while I tried to make peace with these people. Again, I advanced slowly, my body language stressing the calm I was trying so hard to feel. 

The crowd came in closer, I took a deep breath to calm myself when suddenly one of them, a large and very strong looking man, shot forward from the crowd and grabbed my left wrist, attempting to pull me forward and down. My Jedi training of course prevented this from happening as I used his forward momentum against him, but it was too late. I heard Ben's lightsaber whirr through the air and a piercing scream as he hacked at the villager who had grabbed me.

The hand that had hold of my wrist suddenly released and an arm fell to the ground, severed from its owner's shoulder by Ben's wicked lightsaber. The wound was immediately cauterized by the heat from the plasma blade as he fell to the ground and Ben charged, raising his saber for another, likely deadly, blow. I screamed, "Ben! NO! PLEASE!" and he skidded to a stop, turning off his blade and towering over the man, panting with his sudden rage.

He gestured towards me with the hilt of his lightsaber while glowering at the man, his eyes shining darkly with his anger. 

"YOU SEE HER?!" He screamed, his voice booming through the square. "SHE IS A FORCE HEALER! YOU DO NOT TOUCH HER! YOU DO NOT HURT HER!" He kicked some of the small bits of dirt and pebbles on the ground into the man's face as he continued to writhe in agony on the ground. Ben came to me, grabbing my upper arm firmly and pulling me towards where our ship was docked. I was in shock and followed him without protest.

He turned to continue his rant as he lead me back to the ship, "SHE SPARED YOUR LIFE! A JEDI IS THE REASON YOU LIVE." The hate roiled off of him like boiling water, his fingers hot wrapped around my arm and I squirmed away, feeling it burn even after I broke free. I felt like I was walking in a dream, everything felt so surreal.

We entered the ship and I took my seat, getting ready for takeoff as he took his seat beside me. He punched in the coordinates for our next stop as I shot off into space, my ears still ringing from the screaming we just left. Once we broke orbit and the autopilot kicked on, I got up from my seat and ran towards the main compartment of the ship, fighting back angry and confused tears. I heard Ben get up and follow me. He called out, "Kendo!"

"I just need one moment, Ben," I replied, closing the washroom door. I heard him at the door, that heat still pouring off of him. 

That rage. I'd seen it before. It was part of him, and he had struggled with it and the underlying frustration that caused it. I had thought that he would have learned to control it, and perhaps he had, just lost that control for a moment due to the circumstances. 

I stared long and hard at my face in the mirror, my blue eyes standing out against the stark paleness of my skin, my black hair plastered against my forehead. I pushed it back and wiped my face with a damp cloth, breathing deeply and trying to gain some control of my emotions. 

It wasn't the cutting off of the man's arm that had me in this state. Arms can be replaced cybernetically and he did lay hands on me with the intention of violence. It was Ben's overwhelming anger and that he was ready to follow up his initial strike with a death blow that kept circling around my head. His face, contorted with rage, his voice echoing through the square...

I could feel him pressed against the door, "please, Kendo," he said softly, pleadingly, "please come out and talk to me." His voice brought a fresh sting of tears to my eyes. I stood up straight and checked my reflection again, then opened the door, facing him finally. 

His eyes had softened and his expression was wary and concerned. He reached out to me and I collapsed in his arms. He held me close and took several deep, ragged breaths. I could feel the rage and the heat subsiding, retreating deep inside, perhaps to those dark corners of his mind.  
He broke off our embrace and looked down at me. 

"I couldn't let him hurt you, Kendo. Couldn't watch him do what I saw in his mind." He said finally, his voice soft but firm. "I won't apologize for my actions, I saw what he had in store for you and it wasn't good." He pulled me close again as he struggled to control his anger. 

"Ben," I said, my voice muffled by his chest, "I'm scared. I know you were defending me, but this anger inside of you..." He squeezed me even tighter, "where does it come from? You can't give into your emotions like that." 

His breathing was returning to normal, his overall demeanor calming as he held me. I could feel his cheek rest atop my head, his throat shift as he swallowed and slowly released me. 

"It's always been there, Kendo. You know that. It's a part of me, and nothing I do seems to quell the rage when it surfaces." He sighed deeply and turned from me.

"The people of this Galaxy need to fear and respect the Jedi," he said, changing the subject, "It's the only way we can prevent what went on before from happening again. We are powerful, and we should use that power to our advantage. Then no one would lay hands upon a Jedi like that."

"I disagree, Ben," I said, sitting in a stool and hugging my arms to my chest, "the Jedi have always been peacekeepers, and Master Luke..."

"Master Luke is a weak fool," Ben scoffed in reply, "a mediocre Jedi at best, attempting to impress us with outdated morals and strictures, as if we were a religious order instead of the most powerful beings in the Galaxy. No, what Master Luke needs to do is reevaluate our code and make it more modern. We are not the Je'daii of old.  Our emotions make us more powerful and we should learn to harness them to enhance our abilities." 

I was appalled! I couldn't believe Ben would say this about our Master, and his uncle! This was Dark Side talk, talk that even the Grey Jedi didn't engage in, although they weren't held to the standard of the Jedi Code. 

"Ben, I just think we need a few moments to collect ourselves before we start saying things we don't mean," he swung around and glared at me with his shining black eyes. 

"I do mean it, Kendo. That's just the thing. I've done my search of the archives, I've looked at the surviving holocrons. The Jedi Code forces us to be weak, by harnessing our emotions, we become more powerful Force Wielders. You're a Grey Jedi, you should certainly understand this." 

He kneeled in front of me, taking my hands in his and looking into my eyes, searching my expression. I was so confused at this moment that I couldn't even try to guard my thoughts or feelings. I felt naked locked in his gaze until the auto-pilot alarm sounded, indicating we were nearing our destination. 

I stood up, causing Ben to fall back a bit before catching himself and standing up, lightly grasping my shoulders and pulling me in for another tight embrace."Land the ship," he said in my ear, "we can talk about this when we're squared away." I nodded, still feeling that numbing fear in my gut, all my reassurances and false hopes of the last few days sliding away from my heart as I stepped once more into the cockpit and settled in to land my ship. 

 

The Surface of the Moon

I landed and pulled into a nearby spaceport, letting the attendants know we'd be staying on the ship for the evening. After the incident that happened during our departure from the last stop, I had no wish to socialize with any locals until I had some rest. The tension between Ben and I was palpable, the ease and familiarity of the last few days gone in a flash. 

I was trying to process our last conversation while Ben just followed me around, asking if there was anything he could do to help while I picked up and cleaned the ship. I shook my head, fearing my voice would betray my emotions. He finally stopped and went to the training room where I could hear him moving through his forms, his lightsaber buzzing, his voice echoing off the walls as he counted and corrected his own steps. 

I walked into my room to finally get rid of my muddy clothes. I didn't even hear him as he came in behind me. I turned, startled when I realized that someone was there. His face was sullen and sad, so much like him when he was a lonely teenager and it was just he and I against the Galaxy. His hair was plastered to his head and there were still beads of sweat rolling down his face from his recent workout. 

"Kendo," he said softly, his voice thick with emotion, "please don't do this to me. Please don't ignore me and push me aside," his voice started shaking, "I can't have you turn your back on me like everyone else has..." I know he was referring to his family. He had a contentious relationship with his parents and they shipped him off to Master Skywalker. Now, based on his tone earlier, he clearly was having issues with his uncle. He had always struggled with his family, his name always coming before him, setting an expectation that he couldn't make heads or tails of sometimes. His parents were interested in the Republic, his uncle interested in the Order, and no one was interested in Ben. Except me, always me. Throughout our lives together, it seemed I was the only constant until we had to part, and now, unexpectedly I was back in his life. 

I felt his fingertips brush my hand as I looked up at him.   
His eyes were swollen and red, as if he had been crying the whole time he was in the training room. The rest of his face was pale and blotchy, his full lips bright red against the paleness. I searched his mind, searched my own, came back still confused. My own emotions were such a mess, I didn't even know how to answer him as he stared down at me, his hands lightly on my shoulders. I parted my lips, trying to think of something to say when he suddenly kissed me, his lips pressing on mine firmly and directly. 

While it took me off guard at first, it seemed so natural and so right to be kissing him right now, right here in my bunk. His mouth was hot, but with passion and sorrow instead of anger. I wrapped my fingers around the back of his head and tangled them in his damp shaggy mane, sighing into him and letting go, melting into the moment. 

He lifted me up by my waist and I wrapped my legs around him, sliding against him like it was the most natural thing in the world. I could feel his long fingers reaching for the waistband of my leggings, trying to pull them down. I broke our long kiss and murmured, "no, Ben, we shouldn't..." but my protests were weak and I knew he was fully aware of how I was really feeling.

The moment he kissed me, my reservations over us, over the confrontation that had just happened mere hours before, they were gone in that second his lips touched mine. The surge of Force energy rippling through our bodies and his burning need for my affection clearing my mind of any hesitation. 

He carried my small frame to my cot and sat me down, taking a seat next to me. I leaned back and he looked at me, holding my face in his hands. That crooked grin I had always adored broke across his face and he kissed me again, this time quick and light, like a boy kissing a girl for the first time. He laughed softly, nuzzling my neck. 

"I missed you so much, Kendo," he started tracing his fingertips down my neck, trailing along my collarbone. "I never realized how much until I saw you there in that square." 

I slid under him, pulling his face to mine and his long body on top of me. The cot was small, only made for one person, but we had done this before and we fell back into our old rhythms easily, our bodies remembering how much they missed each other before we did. I laughed as we started undressing each other. "We're both still filthy from the jungle," I said. He laughed while kissing my chest, pulling my tunic away from my mud spattered body. "I don't care," he said, breathing deep, "you smell better that way," I felt a shock ripple through my spine and spread throughout my lower abdomen when he said this, making me squirm in his arms. He smiled wider and kissed me hard, parting my legs and wrapping them around his waist. 

When he entered me it was like nothing I had ever experienced before. Our Force sensitivities enhanced our sexual experiences before, but the crystal implanted in my forehead expanded that tenfold. He moaned and fell on top of me, holding me so tight I could barely breathe, waves of pleasure rippling over both of us as we sensed each other's experience, causing it to magnify our own. 

As I lay there in his arms, holding him nearly as tightly as he held me, our bodies moving as one, I thought, "how could something like this be wrong?"    
I would find out before too long.


	5. Afterwards

I woke up hours later, Ben clinging to me in his sleep. I looked around my darkened room, trying to decide the best way to disentangle myself from his tight grasp. There was really no way around it, so I just slipped out of my bunk as quickly as I could, hoping I didn't wake him. I turned back and looked at him, still laying there peacefully, his face relaxed and his lips slightly parted in his sleep. 

Looking down at my naked form, I saw that my skin was still speckled with mud from our earlier excursion. I'd probably have to clean the sheets and light blanket on my cot after he woke up, but for now it was time to wash up. 

The washroom was stocked with clean towels, and I pulled one out and set it by the shower stall as I stepped in and turned the water on.

The hot water felt good on my sore body. I examined my wrist where that man had grabbed me and there was a light ring of bruises already forming, showing the faint outline of a hand. Seeing this brought everything rushing back, and I turned the incident over and over in my head, wondering if anything at all could have been done differently. 

Ben was always hard headed and hot tempered. During our training, he was frequently reprimanded by our Masters because he was always so quick to let his emotions get the better of him. 

It always seemed as if he was held to a higher standard than the rest of us, his lineage often doing more harm than good. The grandson of Darth Vader (a secret to the Galaxy but not, of course, to Master Skywalker) struggling with his emotions was enough to send most Jedi Masters into an uproar, but when your uncle is responsible for the   
re-establishment of the entire Jedi Order...even as a Youngling Ben was left feeling like an outsider and a failure many times. 

As Padawans, he often said that I was his only true link to the Light, the only person who didn't judge him, didn't ask him to be a different person, and most importantly, didn't fear him the way so many did after witnessing one of his emotional outbursts. I always just accepted him as he was. 

That was of course until I didn't anymore and moved on with my training, leaving him and our unique bond behind. I could feel that sting again, and this time it brought tears to my eyes. Perhaps Ben was right, perhaps the Jedi Code needed a reevaluation. My thoughts trailed off as I heard him enter the washroom and open the stall door, slipping in beside me under the water. 

I turned to face him and he wrapped me in his arms again, lightly kissing my face as we stood under the water. He broke away and looked at me, a slow, happy smile breaking across his face. 

"Kendo, may I tell you something?" He asked hesitantly, his eyebrows raised as the water plastered his hair to his head.   
"Of course, Ben." I replied, meeting his gaze with an expression I hoped was open.

He paused, running his hands over his head and face, again uncomfortable with his directness. But he continued regardless, pushing his discomfort aside.

"I love you, Kendo. I know that you know how I feel about you, but I needed to say it out loud. Because I haven't told you in so long." 

I wrapped my arms around his waist and buried my head in his chest as I felt my stomach do a flip. "I know, Ben. And I'm glad to hear you say it. I hope you know that I love you, too." He inhaled sharply, savoring my words. I felt a calm come over him that hadn't been there since we met up in that bazaar. 

I continued on, trudging towards the inevitable. "But Ben, you know as well as I that we can't continue this. We would be forced out of the Order."

I could sense his hurt and his determination. This wasn't going to be like the last time we broke things off. That stomach flip I felt turned into knots as he reached out and held me again. 

"Kendo, I need you to understand that I intend to talk with Master Skywalker about this. I really feel that there are things that need to be changed within the Order, and this," he gestured to our bodies, holding onto each other under the spray of hot water, "is most certainly one of them."

I pulled back a bit, a little nervous over his sudden intensity. "Ben, I can't leave the Order. I have worked so hard for all of this and..." He interrupted me, placing his long index finger over my lips. 

"That's just it, Kendo. I don't think that we should have to leave the Order. I think that we should be permitted to love one another, even to marry one another should we choose to do so. This outdated restriction is what brought the Jedi to its knees in the days before the Galactic Empire. Imagine an Order in which my Grandfather could have openly loved my Grandmother. He may never have been able to be seduced by the Dark Side." 

I didn't bother to mention that Anakin Skywalker's fear of losing his wife and his selfish pursuit of a solution was what drove him to becoming the most reviled Sith Lord in our galaxy's history. Ben was an idealist, and there were times where it clouded his judgement.

"Ben Solo. We are both aware that when one commits to the Jedi Order that one gives their life over to the Force, to become an instrument of the Force so that justice and peace, knowledge and reason may prevail over that which corrupts us. We are part of something larger than ourselves." 

He slammed the wall behind me with his open right hand, his frustration wrinkling his handsome brow and darkening his eyes again. "But isn't love and being in love with one another the will of the Force? Isn't THIS something larger than ourselves?" he asked, placing his right hand over his heart and looking at me with deep sadness in his questioning eyes. 

I looked down at my feet and shook my head. "You've always been my weakness, Ben." 

I turned the water off, exiting the stall and handing Ben a towel. He stared hard at me and started blotting the water off of his skin. "I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing." 

I walked over to him and placed my hand on the side of his face. "Ben. I can't resist you. I never could. That's why I had to break it off before. Why I had to go." He smiled and sidled up to me, pressing me against the wall of the washroom. 

"I'm irresistible?" He asked playfully. 

"Ben," I said firmly, gently pushing him away, surprised at his sudden change in emotion. "I'm not really sure how to handle this situation. I need to meditate on it." 

I walked to my bunk and pulled on clothes while he trailed me, wrapping the towel around his waist. "I agree," he said in reply. 

Some things had changed. Five years ago he never would have agreed to meditating on a difficult decision. He had always just tried to stubbornly push forward in the past. 

We finished dressing and walked into the meditation room, his hand grasping mine tightly as we sought the wisdom of our training and predecessors.


	6. Meditations

The Jedi Temple on Yavin

Jedi Master Luke Skywalker sat deep in meditation, his breathing barely discernible as he allowed the Force to take over his mind, sensing the lives of his Jedi students all over the Galaxy. 

Recently he had been meditating on Ben, his nephew and student. He was due back from his first solo mission in a few days time and Luke was eager to meet with him. 

He unwound his consciousness, pushing it forward, seeking his nephew's. In a moment's time, he felt the edges of Ben's mind, the mere whisper of his emotions and thoughts. 

Luke pushed out just a bit further and felt a mental click of sorts. He did not probe deeply, not wanting to violate his nephew's privacy, but he stayed long enough to be able to tell that Ben was safe. He smiled in his meditation and as he drew his consciousness back into his mind, he felt the presence of another Jedi with his nephew. His brow furrowed as he pushed forward again, seeking out who it was with Ben. He felt the edges of another mind and pressed, surprised to learn that it was Kendo Kenobi, another one of his former students and a novice Force Healer. A small voice at the edge of his mind regarded this was curiosity as he drew back again, calmly returning to himself and the room, opening his eyes and slowly rising to his feet. He left his meditation chamber and made his way through the temple.

Luke passed by students in various stages of their training, nodding to them as he quickly made his way through the perimeter of the Temple to get to the main chambers just past the entryway. His sister was meeting him here shortly, and he wanted to wait for her arrival. His recent meditation left him mildly unsettled, and he wanted to speak with Leia about it as soon as she arrived. She always had tremendous insight, and he valued her opinion on such matters with his students, and in this case, her son. 

The doorway to the Temple was always left open, inviting those who sought training to enter when they felt ready to do so. Luke took a seat just inside the archway and looked towards the courtyard where several Younglings were practicing with lightsaber staffs, getting ready for their own journey to the Crystal Caves. He smiled to himself, watching their clumsy movements. One day this courtyard would hopefully be filled with scores of young Force sensitives, taking their first shaky steps towards Knighthood. But for now the handful that were there were enough. 

Leia's ship pulled into the Temple docking bay, puffs of steam coming from the vents as it came to a stop. The gangplank came down and she stepped out, her personal staff by her side. Her small frame was made even more diminutive by their height, but her presence made her seem the tallest of the group. She approached Luke with a wide smile on her careworn face.

"Luke!" She said, waving and quickening her pace as Luke left his seat and walked towards her, opening his arms for her embrace. She broke off their greeting and stepped back. "What's wrong?" She asked, concern furrowing her brow. "There is something on your mind." 

Luke smiled gently and guided his twin to the entry of the Temple. "We'll talk when we reach my rooms, Leia." He said, walking alongside of her, the guards trailing just behind. "How was the trip here? Any problems?"

"Nothing in particular," she replied, "we've heard of some pockets of Imperial loyalty in the Western reaches, but so far we have not encountered any violence in those parts." Luke admired her understanding of the Galaxy and her commitment to the people. Jedi did not care for politics, and Luke was no exception, but Leia was truly committed to the people, striving to make their voices heard. She had earned her rank of General with her blood and sweat. 

They walked down a long hall and came to Luke's quarters. He lead them through a small foyer into a comfortable living space, filled with soft overstuffed chairs and low, dim lamps.   
Luke called for R2-D2 and asked to bring them some tea. 

"Please," he said to Leia's staff, gesturing towards a small cluster of chairs, "feel free to sit down. If you are hungry, please ask my droid for something from the dining hall. We're happy to have you here." They nodded their thank you's and sat down while Leia and Luke took their own seats around a small table. 

"Something is troubling you," Leia said, reaching across the table and grasping Luke's hands in hers. His twin sister knew him so well, despite the fact that they had discovered each other relatively late in life. Their closeness was palpable. They could almost speak without words.

"I meditated on Ben today," Luke began, drawing his robes tighter around him, "as you know he's been on a mission seeking Force Sensitives in the Balvian System," Leia nodded, leaning in to listen to her brother. 

"In my meditation, I sensed that Ben was safe," he saw a shadow of relief pass over his sister's face, "but I also learned that he was in the company of another Jedi. In fact, he was with Kendo Kenobi." 

Leia sat up in surprise. "Really?" She said, the lines on her face deepening with her concerned curiosity. "How is it that they found themselves together?" As concerned as Leia was, her heart ached for her son and the girl he had loved. Ben's journey along the Jedi path had been fraught with difficulties, and his attachment to Kendo seemed as if it would be his greatest challenge to overcome. 

"I am not sure, but I have yet to speak with Kendo's healing Master. I wanted to await your arrival so we could speak with Linnen together." 

Leia nodded her agreement and got up from her seat. "Well, what are we waiting for? Let's take care of this now." As she spoke, she felt a shadow cross her heart. Making eye contact with Luke, she could see he felt it too. "What's happening, Luke?"

"Nothing good," he replied, rising from his seat and leading Leia and her staff from his quarters, making his way towards where Linnen kept her healing rooms. 

The Medical Wing

Master Skywalker and his sister Senator Leia Organa found Linnen, the current Healing Master, at her desk, pouring over an ancient healing text, as she usually was. She marked her spot with one long white gloved finger (a necessary precaution to protect the delicate pages of these most ancient artifacts) and raised her long, slender green skinned neck and head to make eye contact with Luke and Leia as they came through the archway. 

"Master Skywalker!" She gasped, "and The Princess Leia." She stood up from her desk and curtsied to Leia deeply and reverently. "What brings you to my humble part of the Temple, Master?" 

Luke approached Linnen and grasped her spindly fingers, of which her species had only four. "It's wonderful to see you again, Linnen. I am sorry I have been absent for so long. My work pulls me in many directions. How have things been here?"

Linnen began to pace slowly around the room, her hands lighting touching the spines of the text lining the walls of her office. "The healing arts, I'm afraid, do not attract many Younglings to our path. Our plans are difficult to implement with our limited staff, but we are making due for the time being. Now, truly, what brings you to see me today, Master?"

Luke cleared his throat as he took a seat near Linnen's desk. "Kendo Kenobi brings me here. I am curious, where was she sent for her latest mission?"

"The Balvian System is where she was dispatched to, Master. She was sent to gather Balvian flowering Mlaks, a plant we use in many of our medications. They're only grown in that system."   
Luke nodded, "Thank you, Linnen. Now, open your schedule and tell me when is a good time for us to meet..."

Linnen smiled and sat behind her desk, pulling up her screen. Luke always knew how to change the subject as well as soothe a bit of animosity, and he was correct in saying he had been a bit neglectful of the healers in recent months.

Leia drummed her fingers and waiting impatiently for them to finalize their plans. When Linnen tapped the plans they made into her schedule and closed her screen, Leia took the cue and stood up. 

"Thank you for your time, Linnen." She extended her right hand and grasped Linnen's, shaking it warmly despite her impatience, "It was nice to meet you and I am sure we'll see each other again before I leave." 

Linnen reciprocated Leia's handshake, "It was an honor, your Highness," she replied, "I truly hope we may get to speak again." Leia smiled and moved towards the door of the office, her brother trailing behind her. 

When they reached Luke's quarters again, Leia sat down, pulling Luke into the chair beside her. "So we know that Kendo was sent to the same system at the same time as Ben. Isn't it quite likely they met up by accident?"

"It is," Luke admitted, "and all of this could be just a big overreaction on my part. They are, after all, Knighted Jedi, capable of making their own decisions and I ought to trust them," Leia nodded, a wry smile twisting the corners of her lips, 

"But..." She said, waiting for Luke to continue.

"But we all know how headstrong Ben is. And we all know what he did and what he said when Kendo broke it off with him at the end of their Trials." Leia nodded, remembering her son's broken face, the anger bubbling from within. 

"He said he would never stop loving her. That it was the will of the Force that they be together and your foolish rules meant nothing in comparison." 

Luke nodded his agreement, "You have a remarkable memory, Leia." The words stung almost as bad as when Ben had first uttered them. 

"A mother knows her son, Luke," she responded, "even the aspects she would rather not." She spoke of his rage and his vitriol when he was crossed. After his harsh words to Master Skywalker, he had gone to his chambers and shattered everything within reach, his anger taking control of him in the days after Kendo had left. 

"He has his grandfather's temper." She lowered her gaze and inhaled deeply, every confrontation with Darth Vader playing in her mind instantly. 

"Leia, we can teach him, we are teaching him. He needs to take control of his anger himself." Luke reached for his sister's hand and held it reassuringly. "Now, this situation with Kendo. What are we to do?" He directed the conversation back to the matter at hand. They could focus on Ben's problems for hours if they got too far away with themselves. Better to deal with the present than what had happened in the past. 

"Is this really something that needs our attention, Luke, or are you right in that it may be an overreaction? I should trust my son, and you should trust your students."

"You're certainly right in that, Leia. This could be an overreaction on my part, especially with what little information I have. I only know of her presence, not that anything has happened between them." Luke stroked his thick beard, deep in thought. 

"I'm inclined to wait until they arrive back here at the Temple, then see what happens. Perhaps they've grown apart. After all, it has been five years since they last saw each other," Leia suggested, the shadow of hope in her voice. 

Luke continued to stroke his beard in contemplation, his eyes far away, focusing on something not here. "Perhaps you're right, Leia. Perhaps you're right." 

But the silence that followed as they settled into their doubts said otherwise.


	7. Kendo and Ben

We meditated and talked, talked and meditated. In between we played with each others' bodies, getting to know one another again, tumbling on the soft floor of the meditation and training room, laughing without a care in the world. In reality, my entire world was crashing around me.

A deep and unsettling anxiety settled in my stomach, making every movement tense. I knew that Ben could sense it, and while I could tell he was concerned, he did well at redirecting his thoughts. It was as if we had made a silent agreement to not focus on the inevitable for now while we instead focused on one another, pretending as if we didn't have responsibilities and a commitment to uphold. The tension burned white hot in between us, fueling some of the intense passion that had consumed our days. Today the tension festered closer to the surface as we packed the ship to leave the system we had been visiting.

I had run into town to grab some last minute supplies, returning to the ship just at dusk. Ben had contacted his escort days ago to let them know he had secured transport to Yavin following the completion of his mission. He was disheartened, only coming upon one Force sensitive child and one pregnant woman, the fetus she carried potentially brimming with Force sensitivity. He had hoped to find many more, and was feeling let down about his mission. I, on the other hand, had secured crates and crates of the flowering Mlaks we were in need of. As I returned to the ship, I saw the last of these being loaded in the cargo hold. 

Ben was tidying up the galley when I came aboard, securing hatches and appliances for our trip. He smiled as I came through the doorway and wrapped his long right arm around my shoulder, drawing me in and kissing my cheek. 

"Everything ready to go, Kendo?" He asked, drawing away from me to continue his task. 

"Yes," I replied, "I saw the last of the crates being loaded when I came back to the ship. We should be ready for take off shortly."

He nodded in silent acknowledgement while I watched him, his messy black hair falling into his eyes no matter how many times he pushed it back. 

"Ben, are we going to talk about what's going to happen when we get back to the temple?" I asked this softly. We'd never come to an agreement, and it was time. I felt his demeanor change to irritation as he turned to face me.

"When we arrive, Kendo, we're going to speak with Master Skywalker as soon as we can. Get the air cleared so we can concentrate on more important things," he said firmly. 

"What exactly do you mean by that, Ben?" I was incredibly anxious now. I couldn't even begin to imagine the uproar that our recent encounters would cause within the small Jedi community. 

"I mean that once my conversation with Master Skywalker is complete, we can focus on our work and on our future."

"Ben, I..." And I trailed off as he came and silenced me by pressing his lips against mine. 

"Kendo," he started, pulling away from me to pace around the galley, drawing his shoulders back, making his height even more imposing. "I don't intend to give way on this and neither should you. I believe that it is the will of the Force that keeps drawing us to one another. Can you say different?" 

He turned and looked at me, his hands clasped behind his back. For the first time in all of these years, I found him intimidating. There was something sinister in the way he looked down at his long nose at me. 

"When I search my feelings, Ben." I said, my voice shaky, "When I meditate. When I train," I took a deep inhale in and closed my eyes, gaining control of my emotions, "I see you. Even when I left to train as a Healer. When I close my eyes, you are there. And I don't know if that's love or just our long companionship, but I need you in my life." I turned away, my arms crossing in front of my chest, frustration and anger at myself welling up inside of me. 

"I am weak," I said. "As weak as Obi-Wan, as weak as Anakin Skywalker." I started breathing more deeply, more evenly, trying hard to hold onto my anger, to swallow it and dissipate it. It wasn't working. I had rarely been this frustrated with myself, but this was an expected outcome when you've spent the better part of a week pretending that you don't have responsibilities. 

Dark thoughts whipped around my head, spiraling out of my control. My right hand curled into a fist and punched the table, hard. I heard Ben sharply inhale behind me, a crackling energy coming off of him. I turned my head and looked at him hard, saw him moving towards me. 

"Kendo." He said, his voice firm. "You need to control your emotions." 

"Are you serious?!" I yelled, the anger now coursing through my body."You are suggesting that I need to control myself?" 

Inhale/Exhale/Inhale/Exhale. Quick, deep breaths, my years of training still seeking to calm my heart beat, stop the hormones that fueled my anger. A small voice in my head said 'what are you doing, Kendo?!' in a panicked, quavering voice. 

A few more breaths, steady, calm, words playing in my mind. The crystal at my brow burned with the crackling energy that Ben was putting out. His words said one thing, but his body language and that energy said something else entirely. They said, 'give in to it Kendo. Feel how good it is to give into your emotions, good and bad.' I focused the Force and allowed it to wash over me, cooling the frustration that smoldered within me. 

I opened my eyes and locked my gaze with Ben's. His usually warm eyes were as hard as obsidian and sparkled with a light I had never seen before.

"Your heart belongs with me, Kendo. Just as you belong with me." His voice had a deep inflection, one of command and control. It was at first frightening, but then I found myself oddly attracted to it, drawn to its depth. I had heard about a Force command voice, but did not know of anyone who could use it effectively. Was that what he'd done to his voice? He reached out for me, embracing me and once again, quieting that voice inside of me. 

"You are mine, Kendo. You always have been and you always will be. I do not intend to lose you again." 

I buried my head I his chest and melted against him, knowing deep down that all of this had been such a terrible mistake but I felt powerless to do anything to stop it.


	8. Back on Yavin

Kendo guided her ship into her parking dock, gliding easily to the ground and bringing the ship to a smooth halt.

Unbeknownst to she and Ben Solo, an entourage was awaiting their arrival, ready to escort them to the Jedi Temple. With some cursory investigation Master Skywalker and Princess Leia had discovered that the two would be arriving together. Both felt that meeting the situation head-on was the best course of action to take and while they both hoped that the chance meeting between the two young Jedi was coincidence and that nothing had occurred between them, Leia knew her son. She understood his conviction and his temper. 

Luke squeezed her hand and smiled, attempting to calm her fears. She squeezed out a terse smile in response as they waited. 

The running lights extinguished and the gangway came down, vents spewing as the ship depressurized and two forms, one very tall and the other much smaller, came down the gangway.

Luke saw that the two had their hands clasped together and heard Leia groan next to him. He could feel the tension and fear spilling off of Kendo, but Ben's emotions were shrouded as they walked towards them. Ben leaned in and whispered something in Kendo's ear, causing her to stand up a little straighter and square her shoulders and chin. 

Luke stepped forward first, his arms wide, a big smile spreading across his face. "My nephew! And my former Padawan! You've been missed!" He reached Ben and drew him into a tight embrace. Leia followed his lead and grabbed Kendo's hands, drawing her in for a warm hug. Leia had always enjoyed her company, so the affection was genuine. But she could tell they were both on guard. They could sense the tension.

"Mother," Ben nodded towards her and leaned over her tiny frame to place a cool kids on her cheek. 

"I didn't expect to see you here. What a pleasant surprise." His lips were pulled into a tight white line as he said this, displaying the awkward relationship he had with his family. Kendo sensed this and squeezed his hand again, offering him some comfort. He smiled to himself and became outwardly more calm. 

Both Master Skywalker and Princess Leia recognized the calming effect that Kendo had on Ben's temperament. That he cared for her was certain, but other than his commitment to the Order that was in jeopardy, he also could be highly irrational when it came to Kendo. 

Arguments would turn into long, dark periods of coldness, his mood bleeding out to poison those around him. Leia's heart skipped a beat when she thought of the dark demons that lived inside her son's heart. She had always feared a bit for Kendo and her willingness to stick by him. Her loyalty was admirable, but put her at risk.

The group moved slowly towards the Temple.   
R2-D2 lead them towards a comfortable conference type room just off the entry way. It was not unusual for Luke to have debriefings after Jedi returned from missions in this room, and he wanted to maintain the illusion of normalcy, regardless of the fact that this conversation was going to be anything but. The suspicions of his two young students were already aroused, and he wanted to handle the situation as calmly as possible. His sister did not hold out much hope for this once they confronted Ben, but it was worth a try.

Kendo looked wary, and Luke could sense her trying to calm herself. Ben, meanwhile, was already bristling, ready for a confrontation. Luke admired his nephew's stubbornness and tenacity, but coupled with his violent nature it made for a deadly combination. 

The group sat around a large table and R2-D2 brought in tea and caf for everyone while they got settled. Luke brought up his datapad for the debriefing and waited until Ben brought out his own. 

"So..."Luke began, trying to maintain an air of normalcy and nonchalance, "how did this mission turn out? The Balvian system is a tricky one as there is not a lot of sympathy for the Jedi there. Were you able to accomplish your goals?"

Ben turned towards Luke, pressing his screen to transfer the data he had acquired to Luke's so that the information could be viewed by both at the same time. 

"Unfortunately, Master," Ben tried to refrain from calling Luke 'uncle' during these briefings,"the Balvian system only yielded one potential Force sensitive, as well as a woman approximately midway through a pregnancy that may yield a Force sensitive infant. If you look at the data I've sent to you, you'll see that I was dispatched to her location after she contacted us. She is unaware of any Jedi within her family line, however she does recall an aunt or uncle who may have been sensitive." Ben was professional and clipped in his tone, matching the mood set by his uncle. 

"As far as Imperial sympathizers or this 'First Order' that Mother has been investigating, not even a whisper."  
Luke nodded as he read over Ben's report, stroking his beard thoughtfully. 

"I suppose that's good news about this First Order..." He replied, trailing off as his eyes scanned over his datapad. His eyes narrowed as he came to the part of the report regarding the attack on Kendo on Balvian III. 

"What's this?" He said, tapping the datapad, making this paragraph larger for further examination. Ben's datapad was linked and showed the same. Kendo was perceptively nervous and Ben touched her hand reassuringly to which Leia softly groaned. 

"The third Balvian moon is openly hostile to Jedi. We took great pains to disguise our appearance, however, Kendo was still assaulted." Kendo looked down at her lap, trying to hide her emotions. Leia studied her hard, recognizing the fear and anxiety within her. This had been a turning point in their mission. Leia realized that turning this into an interrogation was a mistake. She stood up suddenly. 

"I'm so sorry, everyone. I'm just feeling restless and pent up in this room." Luke stared hard at her, to which she ever so slightly shook her head. "Do you mind if we get out of here and do this in the courtyard?" Behind her, Leia's staff rose to their feet while Kendo and Ben gave each other confused glances, but rose along with Luke to take their conversation to the courtyard. 

Leia apologized again, "It's just that after being free from the Senate finally, I find being tied up in conference rooms and the like so tedious. I can finally get out of these stuffy rooms and walk." 

She smiled, keeping up her calm appearance. The rest of the group followed suit and they made their way outside. 

Leia slowed her pace until Kendo was alongside her and took the opportunity to draw her away from Ben. Her motherly demeanor soothed Kendo's anxiety and comforted her enough that she opened up about meeting Ben on Balvian Prime. 

She explained how they came across each other at the bazaar and how they decided to merge their missions to save credits and offer one another company and protection. Leia nodded, agreeing that Kendo had made a wise decision. "What happened on Balvian III?" She asked, hoping to get as much information from Kendo as she could. 

Kendo told the story. She described how they came out of the jungle and were greeted by an angry mob. She explained to Leia that she had attempted to calm the mob, moving towards the ship, trying to make a quick and peaceful escape. She showed Leia her wrist and described how Ben struck out at the man who had assaulted her so that they were able to get away. Leia sensed that she was leaving out important details so she probed a bit more, ensuring they were out of earshot of Ben and Luke while they continued their briefing. 

"How did Ben react to the mob? I can't imagine that he was as calm as you were." 

Kendo signed and responded hesitantly, "Well, no. He was not. He seemed prepared for combat as soon as we came into the square." She glanced behind her and realized Ben was too far to hear her, although he did look at her and smile. She returned his smile and continued. 

"I felt as if he were just about to lose control of his temper. He came to my aid, of that there is no doubt. However, he was ready, it seemed, to do more harm to the man who attacked me then I felt was necessary. I think he was ready to kill him." 

Suddenly all the mixed emotions of that day came rushing back to Kendo in a flood. She paused and inhaled deeply. Leia touched her arm gently, soothing her and prompting her to go on.

"I don't know how to describe what I've been sensing in Ben lately, your Highness," Leia shook off the title, "just Leia is fine, Kendo." 

Kendo continued, describing to Leia the darkness she sensed inside of him, those prickles she felt at the edges of his mind. Leis listened intently, her concern rising sharply. It seemed this meeting would be far different than she and Luke had initially intended. There was much more at stake here than just two Jedi forming an attachment. It seemed as if Leia's son was at risk for much more. 

"Have you spoken to Ben about all of this?" She asked, knowing before she answered that Kendo had not. 

"No, ma'am. In all honesty, as soon as I would start dwelling on it, well, something always happened to distract me from the question at hand." Kendo thought about how it seemed as if every time she became concerned about this darkness that Ben seemed to carry with him, he would draw her away somehow. It only just occurred to her that it might be purposeful. 

Leia prodded Kendo more, "and what is going on between the two of you now?" 

The two women stopped, standing in the warm sunlight beaming down upon the courtyard of the Temple. Kendo looked around, uncomfortable. She wished that Ben was at her side to help her answer these questions that his mother was asking. But he was not, and Kendo was trained in the Jedi way enough to know she had only herself to rely on when it came down to it. 

She answered simply. "I love him." She sighed, almost surprised to hear her thoughts said out loud. "And he loves me. I don't know that either one of us ever stopped during these last few years while we have been apart. And Ben is quite adamant. He is determined to have his way." 

Leia nodded her head, "he is my son, Kendo." She laughed softly and Kendo joined her, dispelling some of the mounting tension. 

Leia pulled Kendo in for a short but reassuring hug. "I know your feelings for him, Kendo. And I know that he is sometimes a difficult person to love. Thank you for loving him regardless." Leia meant it. She appreciated Kendo being able to see through Ben's family name, the bloodline he came from, and all the angst and turmoil it brought him. Kendo Kenobi always brought out the best in him.

Leia suddenly had a thought. She turned from Kendo and began back tracking, walking towards where Ben and Luke had paused, the intensity of their conversation showing on Ben's furrowed brow. "Luke!" She said, waving him over to her.   
"A brief word, please, if you don't mind." 

Luke looked over from his conversation. PHe gave Leia a look that clearly said, "I am irritated with the interruption, but yes. I will entertain you." He excused himself from where Ben stood and met Leia halfway between where the two young Jedi stood. 

"Leia, Ben and I..."

"Wait a second, Luke," she interrupted, "hear me out." She began retelling Kendo's story of how she and Ben had met, coincidentally, on Balvian Prime. She told Luke about the darkness that Kendo sensed in Ben, the anger and the concern she felt about her son. 

"Luke, something else is going on with Ben. He's always struggled. But this sense Kendo is getting from him...She knows him better than anyone." 

Luke nodded in response. "You're right about that," he answered, narrowing his eyes as he absorbed this new information. 

Leia continued. "Do we risk losing him completely, separating them from one another yet again, or do we, I don't know, see what happens?" Leia shrugged. She knew she didn't have any say in Jedi matters, but Luke appreciated her opinion and this was her son they were discussing. 

Luke contemplated his sister for a long moment before answering.   
"I am thankful for your opinion, Leia, as always. If we see what happens, as you say, what happens to the Code?"

Leia shrugged, "Perhaps the Code could be updated? I am not sure, Luke, but I think that something needs to be re-evaluated." She gestured towards Ben who was brooding in the courtyard. 

Luke sighed deeply and closed his eyes. Leia could sense his frustration. The weight of his burden was palpable at times like this and she sympathized with him. His was not an easy journey, but he accepted it with grace. 

"Let's try this," he said finally, "let's finish this debriefing. They've already sensed that something is different, obviously. We'll go over the mission, discuss this incident that occurred on Balvian III, discuss any course of action that could have perhaps changed the situation." Leia nodded, letting Luke continue. "As for this repeated...transgression, for lack of a better term, I am inclined to wait." 

Leia exhaled finally, smiling at her brother. "Do you really think you could have swayed him, Luke?" 

Luke shook his head. "No, Leia, I don't think that I could have this time. However, that presents its own set of issues. Issues that will have to be dealt with sooner rather than later," he finished, his tone stern but more with himself than Leia. 

"Come on," he said, walking back towards Ben, "get Kendo and we'll finish this up." 

Leia smiled and gestured towards Kendo to join the group as they all made their way towards a shady area where they could sit and finish their discussion.


	9. A Conversation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!   
> So here we are at chapter 9! What do you think? What's working, what's not working? I have a ton more left to upload, I hope you're enjoying the story!

I dropped my bag on the cot in my chambers and sat down to take my boots off, the events of the day whirling around my head uncontrollably. So much had happened yet so little. It left me feeling confused and somehow empty, waiting for the calm to come crashing down around me. 

That they didn't even mention my continued relationship with Ben was shocking. I know that he was pleased, believing the matter to be settled, but I was dreading the eventual confrontation. It had to happen at some point, there was no escaping it. 

On top of this, as if to add to my mounting anxieties, the chambers that were selected for Ben and I during our visit to Yavin were right next to one another, even connected by an interior door. Ben took this as a sign that our attachment had the blessing of Master Skywalker. I was not sure how to interpret this, but chose to assume it had been coincidence and nothing more. 

After the debriefing, Ben and I wandered around the grounds, saying hello to the Younglings and Padawans that were present. 

Ben had a lot of fun showing the Padawans who were preparing for their own kyber crystal journey his lightsaber, igniting it and whirling it around their heads, much to their delight. They didn't seem to be wary of the red blade as I had been.  
Their innocence coupled with the Force energy streaming out of their young bodies was refreshing and made me smile despite the burning in my chest. 

We had a light meal in the kitchens, then retired to our separate rooms for the night. It was my idea to be respectful towards the Code, at least during this visit. I also thought it would be good to have some space between us for a bit, perhaps gain some clarity. 

As I sat and contemplated the day, I heard a light knock at the door. I rose from the stool I was sitting on and took the few steps needed to reach the door in this small room and opened it, surprised to find Princess Leia standing there. She smirked at my surprised face and entered the room. 

"Were you expecting Ben?" she asked, the smirk still on her face. 

I'd always adored Princess Leia. Her poise as well as her ability to roll up her sleeves and get right into the thick of things. Her trademark snark and honesty was always a welcome relief from the formal speech that most people used around the Jedi Temple, and if not for the overwhelming anxiety I had regarding this whole situation with her son, I would have been more than pleased to have her knock on my door. Even with the tension, it was a welcome surprise.

I laughed in response and led her to the small writing desk in the corner of my tiny room. "Well, I suppose that would have been likely as well," I answered, pulling a stool out for her. "I'm sorry for the lack of space and comfortable furniture. We'll have to discuss the guest accommodations with Master Skywalker." I smiled and we shared a laugh, breaking the tension a little. 

She sat down on the offered stool and looked up at me, grabbing both of my hands in hers. I felt her warm, motherly Force energy wrap around me, calming me as I sat down across from her. 

"You ok, Kendo?" she asked simply. Where her son was uncomfortable and visibly awkward when forced to confront an uncomfortable situation, Leia's years in service to the Galaxy gave her a quiet comfort in most any circumstance. She was relatable and soothing, yet tough as nails. 

I sometimes wondered how she could have given birth to someone like Ben. They were such opposites in every way. Leia was small whereas Ben was large, everywhere large, his imposing figure dwarfing nearly everyone. She was open and friendly with all sentient beings and Ben avoided social situations as much as he could, preferring to train, meditate and study the Force. 

Unless, of course I was around. Then he preferred to study me. And that was probably what Leia was here to talk about. 

"I'm ok, your Highness," I answered, as truthfully as I could. She gave me a crooked smile and there it was. That spark of Ben in her face. A small flash that proved his lineage. His father had a lopsided grin as well, but Ben had inherited his mother's. 

"First of all, Kendo," she said, leaning forward, "drop the 'your Highness'. We're practically family." I felt the blood rise to my face when she said this and the pit of my stomach became very cold. 

I inhaled and felt the soothing Force energy all around me envelop me. She continued.

"I wanted to discuss with you this darkness you've been sensing in Ben. Because you see, Kendo..." 

She rose and started pacing slowly about the room, "I've been sensing it too." 

I saw in her face a deep sadness that I had never seen before. The lines at the corners of her eyes and mouth deepened. She seemed vulnerable for the first time ever in my presence. It frightened me.

"It's been building for some time," she went on, still pacing.  "That's why we sent him to reside here rather than just visiting for training. He needs a firm hand to guide him, and we hoped that Luke would be it." 

Leia sat down again and sighed, as if a great weight had been lifted from her shoulders. "Luke thinks I am overly concerned, but I feel it worsening. Ever since I was disgraced publicly it's been escalating. As if he can barely keep it to himself." 

I nodded, referencing the incident on Balvian III again. While always hot headed and quick to unleash his temper, this was different. I described the crackling heat I'd felt coming off his body, even through the washroom door. 

She turned her face from me when I said this, and I saw her shoulders hitch with a silent sob. After breathing deeply and composing herself, she turned to face me once again. I looked into her brown eyes and saw that they were damp with unshed tears. I reached out and touched her hand, offering what little comfort I could. She smiled thinly and brushed my black hair out of my eyes. A normal motherly gesture, but I was not her daughter even though I had always viewed her as a sort of mom.

"Kendo," she said, clearing her throat and squaring her shoulders. "I think we had better get some caf. This may take a while." She tapped her datapad, accessing her staff and asking if they wouldn't mind bringing us some. Then she settled in as best she could in her stool and began talking earnestly about Ben.

She told me that she had never intended to become pregnant so early in her marriage to Han. 

They were fresh off the victory of the Rebellion and glowed red hot for one another, marrying and then having Ben within the first year. 

Neither of them were prepared for the tiny squalling baby, his Force energy so strong even then that glass would occasionally shatter when he really got crying. She talked about the look of surprised panic that Han got the first time that happened and laughed. She'd never seen him so flustered, and they'd brought down the Empire together. 

Ben had been an intense and difficult child, which I could certainly attest to. It seemed to Leia that he was always frustrated about something, and she always felt that nothing she could do would make him happy. So she sent him to live with his Uncle, to fully envelop Ben in his Jedi training, maybe focus some of that frustration. But it made him resent his parents even more as they could more fully dedicate themselves to their careers, Leia within the Galactic Senate and Han as a racing team Captain. 

It seemed that no matter what she did, it wasn't enough for Ben, regardless of her intention. I could feel her sadness and frustration, the weight on her chest. She never thought that she would be a bad mother, but she felt like she was. 

Then the revelation in the Senate. Who her biological father was sent shockwaves throughout the Galaxy. She was disgraced, forced from Office. Ben had not known, and what a terrible way to discover your family history. 

She paused here, collecting herself, sipping the big mug of caf her staff had brought. 

"I have failed my son, Kendo." She said finally, her voice wavering slightly. "And he will barely stay in the same room as his father. If I could only change some of the things that I did, choosing to keep that secret from him...it was a mistake. But I was afraid. Afraid of the shadow that Vader could cast over my son's life, afraid of what would happen if it got out. Now we know. I was destroyed politically, but I was tired of the inaction of the Senate anyway. I live to fight again, just as I always have. Ben, however, has taken it to heart and immersed himself in learning about his Grandparents. He feels betrayed and even more angry with me, regardless of my explanations." 

She shook her head and set her mug down, rubbing her eyes wearily. 

"What can I do, Leia?" I said softly. That she needed my help was obvious, and I was only too willing to offer it. 

"Well, she replied, sipping her mug again, "as it seems that you are the only other person who can get to Ben, it's pretty simple. First, we need to go speak with Luke. I would like you to share with him what you've been sensing in Ben. It's helpful to know that I'm not just an overbearing mother and that someone else who is close to Ben has sensed it as well." I nodded, agreeing that Luke should know. 

"Second," she said, lowering her voice to just above a whisper. "Kendo I need to ask you to do something beyond what you may be capable of. It may jeopardize your standing within the Jedi Order and destroy much of what you have worked so hard for." She paused, allowing me a moment to take it all in. 

My relationship with Ben was already jeopardizing my Knighthood, what could possibly be worse? This woman before me had faced so many trials in her life and lived to tell the tale. How could I refuse? 

"Anything." I responded, firmly. I wanted to feel the conviction in my voice, but it wasn't there. Hopefully it would grow. 

Leia took my right hand in both of hers, locking eyes with me. The room seemed to grow darker, the air heavier. 

"When Ben leaves us for the First Order, I need you to go with him." 

I felt like all of the air in my lungs had been sucked out when she said this, and the room seemed dimmer still. I struggled to breathe, but my throat seemed closed, unable to transmit the oxygen to my lungs. 

Finally I swallowed and could breathe again. "Wh wh why do you think he'll join the First Order?" I stumbled over my words as a tremor began taking over my body. I knew very little of the First Order, only whispers, really. Leia had established a Resistance army to combat this remnant of the Empire, but so far their influence had been little to none. At least in the circles I travelled in. 

"We have some recent intelligence that suggests that Ben may be meeting with one or more leaders of the First Order." 

She pulled out a pocket datapad and tapped it, bringing up reports from her Intelligence Officers. She stopped on one particular page and tapped a picture, making it larger. It was grainy, and I could not make out much about it.

"We believe that this is Snoke. A Dark Force wielder and leader of the First Order." She flicked that grainy photo away and brought up another, slightly less grainy photo of a young red-headed man in a black uniform. 

"This," she said, tapping the photo to zoom in on the face, "we believe to be Hux, possibly high ranking, perhaps even a general. It's rumored that he may be the son of Brendol Hux who was a Commandant of the Imperial Military." 

She tapped the datapad again and zoomed in on another photo. Although it was grainy and difficult to see, I could recognize that imposing figure anywhere. That was most certainly Ben Solo and he was standing next to this Hux person. I drew back and inhaled sharply, tears stinging my eyes. 

"But how? And WHY?!" I said, standing up abruptly, remembering that Ben was in the room right next door and I needed to keep things quiet. Leia glanced over at the adjoining door and shook her head. No, Ben was still asleep.

I collected myself and centered the Force within me. 

"What's going on here, Leia. I feel like we're talking about two totally different Bens. Other than those prickles and flashes from him, I can't even fathom how he could be involved in something like the First Order. What's happened?"

She sighed and explained, "After it was made public who mine and Luke's father was, Ben became obsessed with learning about Darth Vader. Not Anakin Skywalker, mind you, but the Sith Lord Darth Vader, apprentice to Darth Sidious who you will know as Emperor Palpatine." 

I nodded, waiting for her to continue. 

"He even went so far as to travel to Coruscant on a courier flight to ransack the remnants of the Imperial Palace, searching for anything pertaining to Darth Vader that he could.  
I believe he found just enough to continue fueling his obsession.  
He's also traveled to Naboo, the home world of my mother, Senator Padmé Amidala and gone to family homes to further his research. By all accounts he was polite and well received by the remaining distant family members, but frustrated that no one knew much about Darth Vader. It was rumored that Vader had visited Naboo when possible to meditate at Padmé's tomb..." She paused. 

"Forgive me," she said, pinching the bridge of her nose. "It is difficult for me to speak of Vader in human terms." She breathed deeply, pushing those images from her mind. "I do not believe he found much of anything there."

As the silence rang heavily in the air I could hear my heartbeat, quick and anxious, pounding away in my chest. 

"I'll do it." I said suddenly, my dry mouth speaking the words before my brain had a chance to process them. That fearful knot in my belly grew again. But I knew what I needed to do.

"I'll go with him, Leia, if he leaves. I will stand by him if he falls." 

While the fear grew, so did my conviction. Leia needed me to stand by her son. Ben needed me to stand by him as he had done for me so many times, even if his actions could be rash. I knew suddenly that this was why we were so drawn to one another, why we had met randomly in that marketplace. I was not arrogant enough to believe that I could "save" him, but if my being there reminded him of his past and the Light, I wanted to do it. 

Leia stood up and so did I. She embraced me in a firm and relieved hug. 

"I can't thank you enough, Kendo." I hugged her back just as firmly, clinging to her in my determined fear. 

She stepped back and brought out her datapad again. "You and I are going to meet with Luke for breakfast and hash out the details. Does that work for you?"

I nodded, "Yes, that's fine." I could tell she was getting ready to leave my room for her own. It was very late, but I was feeling restless. She sensed this and touched my cheek softly. 

"Seek comfort in your beloved, Kendo, just as he seeks comfort in you." And with that she exited my room, closing the door softly behind her.


	10. A Brief Respite (this chapter has some brief mature content)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is super short, an interlude between chapters, really.

The silence sat heavy in the air after Leia left, her words ringing in my head. Over and over again I heard those words "First Order" and saw that grainy picture in my mind. I took some calming breaths and cleared them away, willing my mind to be silent. As Leia had said, I needed comfort, and I needed it from Ben. Those thoughts had no place in my mind when I was near him. 

I opened the door that joined our rooms and stepped into the darkness, hearing his sleeping breath. I padded softly over to his small cot, even smaller than the cot in the quarters on my ship and removed my clothes slowly, folding them and placing them on a stool. The rooms were all identical, so finding my way in the dark was simple. I peeled back the light blanket that Ben slept under and eased in next to him, his warm naked body wrapping itself around me as he murmured in my ear. 

"I thought we agreed to spend the night apart."   
I snuggled into his embrace, trying to get closer to him even though we were as close as we could be. 

"I couldn't sleep." I replied, "I needed to be with you."

I could feel his sleepy smile against my face and he kissed my cheek softly. "I'm glad you came." 

He sensed my need for him and held me tighter, my small form dwarfed in his large arms. My hands wandered over his body, feeling his soft skin and strong muscles just beneath, so finely tuned from his constant training. 

I felt him sigh and I turned my back to him. He entered me from behind and sighed again deeply, holding me so close I couldn't breathe for a moment. 

"I love you, Kendo," he said as he pumped into me quickly, bringing both of us to an intense and sudden orgasm. 

As I lay listening to my heartbeat I wondered dimly why people who couldn't sense the Force even bothered to have sex, then I fell asleep, comforted by his arms and our sex and slept soundly through the night. 

Thankfully my mind was quiet and I had no dreams to reveal what was really going on in my head.


	11. Morning Meeting

I awoke before Ben and slipped back to my room to wash up before my meeting with Master Luke and Princess Leia. 

While I sat and waited for them, my thoughts tumbled over and over. Ben in grainy photos, standing next to that sinister looking man. Ben, warm and long next to me in the bed, his big arms wrapped around me, one long leg draped over my hip, holding me as close to him as he could. Could it be real? Could he be leading this double life? 

I hadn't heard much of Ben in the five years we'd been apart, and I trusted that Leia wouldn't say these things or ask me to do such a thing unless it was true. But was it in him to do this, to be this other person? 

A soft knock at my door silenced my line of thinking, thankfully, and I rose to open it, greeting Princess Leia with a slight nod and a small smile. Although she looked as composed and graceful as always, she smiled at my tired face and said, "Don't worry, there will be caf." I followed her into the cool hallway and closed the door behind me.

We walked swiftly and quietly in the halls of the Temple towards Luke's private rooms. Even at this hour we passed a meditating Padawan or two, as we were always taught if you can't sleep, meditate. I was happy to see some Padawans taking the advice as it had always helped me.

We reached Master Luke's chambers and he greeted us warmly. 

"Good morning," he said, his deep voice soft and welcoming, "please," he said, gesturing towards a room to the right, "please join me for a quick morning meditation before we talk." I

eagerly followed Leia into the darkened room. Luke Skywalker's private meditation chamber...I was childishly excited, regardless of how silly I felt about it. Few Knights had been invited to meditate in Master Luke's private chambers. As close as I had always been to Ben's family, this was a different level of familial intimacy. 

The room was simple. Neutral colors, soft cushions and a unique incense that was unlike anything I'd ever smelled before. Master Luke noticed my curiosity and commented, "It reminds me of Tatooine and my Aunt Beru's kitchen," he said simply, smiling and leading me to a cushion and inviting me to sit. Leia sat to my right and Master Luke to my left and our meditation began. 

The Force washed over me, stilling me and focusing my mind. It was now apparent how anxious I really had been and I was grateful that Master Luke had invited me to meditate. 

I did not extend my consciousness, choosing instead to focus on myself during this meditation. To check in with myself and center my Force energy before undertaking this task I had been asked to do. As we came to a close, I felt a new calm within me. I was ready, or so I hoped.

We moved to another room, the 'Morning Room' as Luke called it. Around the table stood steaming mugs of fresh caf and warm bowls of porridge piled high with fresh berries and nuts. Master Luke sat at the head of the table and Leia and I took the other two seats. "Let's eat and we can talk as we finish up." 

The porridge was delicious, completely unlike what I was used to eating while on missions. Everything was so fresh and sweet, I physically had to slow myself down before I made a pig of myself. Leia make quick eye contact with me and laughed softly, raising her mug of caf to her lips. 

"So, Leia," Master Luke started, pushing his bowl back and wiping his mouth and beard with a small napkin, "I believe you wanted to start this with some documents your intelligence committee came upon?" He brought a datapad from a hidden pocket within his robes and tapped it on.

"Yes, Luke, I thought it best to start there. This intelligence is new, only sent to me yesterday before I spoke with Kendo. She's already seen some of the pictures." Leia tapped her own datapad, transmitting the information to Luke's. 

As he received the pictures, I saw his eyes widen. "Can you tell me who these others in these pictures are?" 

"Of course, Luke." She replied, focusing in while Luke's datapad reflected the same. 

"Here you'll see Snoke. We've discussed him before. This photo appears to be of a hologram. It is unknown where Snoke's true whereabouts are."

Luke listened intently, and as always, stroked his beard as he absorbed all of this information. 

"We believe that this is who Lady Carise Sindian has been meeting with as well as helping to finance." Leia sneered as she said this name, and if I was not mistaken, that was the woman who orchestrated Leia's downfall within the Senate. A lifetime of service, cut short due to selfishness and deceit. 

Thank goodness I was a Force wielder. My family otherwise may have groomed me for such service, and I had no taste for politics. 

Leia tapped her datapad again, focusing on the red headed, sinister looking man. "This is likely the son of Brendol Hux. He appears to be following in his father's footsteps as a high ranking officer within The First Order. You can clearly see who is standing next to him." Luke leaned in to his datapad and refocused the photo, zooming in on the imposing figure next to Hux. 

Master Luke sighed deeply as the room filled with a sense of foreboding. I felt him push his feelings for his nephew out of his mind, physically separating the Ben that he knew from this new Ben he was being presented with. The pain in his heart was palpable as a great sadness settled into his eyes. 

"Do you have more to show me, Sister?" Leia nodded and flipped through several pages of intelligence documents, detailing possible bases and weapons capabilities while Master Luke shuffled through them, his expression growing more and more grave with each page of information. I did not know enough about politics or gathering intelligence to engage at this point in the conversation. Finally, Master Luke turned to me.

"Kendo," he said, turning in his seat and reaching for my hands, "Please tell me about the time you've spent with Ben over the last several days." 

I placed my hands in his rough calloused ones and felt his vital Force energy surge through me. He put me at ease and comforted me, making it easy to tell him our experiences over the last week. 

Once again I told the story of our violent encounter on Balvian III. I explained the prickles of darkness I felt when reaching out with my consciousness towards Ben, and tried to describe his demeanor when I attempted to talk to him about our return to the Temple before we left the Balvian system. 

As I spoke, Master Luke nodded and made small sounds of acknowledgement, encouraging me to move forward with my story. 

I described how easily and embarrassingly Ben was able to distract from my concerns, whether it be physically or mentally as it had earlier in our journey together, turning me away from his mind when I came too close to the darkness. 

I reached the end of my statement awkwardly, stumbling in my words. "That's really it, Master. I wish I could tell you more, but this is the only contact with Ben I have had since our Trials."

Master Luke smiled at me and touched my cheek, lovingly as you would a favored child. "That's all right, Kendo. Thank you for sharing what you know. It appears that, much to my own surprise, you have arrived back in Ben's life when he has needed you most. The Force truly has an interminable will." He turned back in his seat towards Leia. 

"Now, show me what your plans are. I know you've been up all night preparing them." Leia smiled, transferring more documents to Luke's datapad. 

"You're quite right, Brother." She smiled, and gestured towards me. 

"As you can see, much of this particular plan involves Kendo. She has agreed to leave with Ben should he choose to do so. But that's what our intelligence is indicating, so that's what we are working with." Leia transferred the documents to my datapad as well, and I reviewed them along with Master Luke. 

There was nothing formal here, the documents I read detailing this plan of Leia's were mostly hand-scribed into the datapad, with arrows and shapes detailing particular facets of the plan. Leia began describing her brainstorm.

"The first aspect of my plan involves training Kendo on keeping her thoughts from Ben. This may be difficult as I believe much of this past week, Ben has been actively seeking to disrupt Kendo's thought processes in order to make her more vulnerable and therefore receptive to the Dark Side. Luke, you would be in command of this training" Luke nodded, "Of course," he said in response. "I look forward to it." He smiled at me again and patted my hand. 

"Kendo." Leia continued, "a large aspect of your training will be in utilizing the encrypted tech we'll be placing in your ship and datapad. By learning how to use this properly, you should be able to contact us at any time should the danger become too great and any time you want to communicate with us. You will also be able to transmit documents you may come across to us. You'll be one of our very first Resistance members to entrench themselves within the First Order." 

It was obvious that drawing up these rough plans, talking about this like just another mission, this was how she was dealing with the news of her son. It was as easy for her to slip into this role as it was for me to slip into my well worn boots, comfortable and familiar. While she was undoubtedly hurting, inaction made it worse. Through planning and discussion, Princess Leia was able to cope and think through the probable loss of her son. 

"Kendo," she said gravely, her voice thick with emotion, "your sacrifices will be of great service to the Galaxy. Your grandfather would be very proud of you." 

Her words washed over me, bringing stinging tears to the corners of my eyes. How foolish, it seemed, that grandchildren should have to replay the great drama of their grandfathers' lives. 

"Yes, Kendo," Master Luke said, agreeing with his sister, "Master Obi-Wan would be very proud of you today." He smiled at me, sadly but encouragingly at the same time. 

"Kendo," Leia said, drawing my attention back towards her, "you should also know that an extraction team will be at the ready for you at any time that it should be required. If you ever think that your cover has been compromised in the least way, you will call in this extraction team and they will come get you, do you understand?" 

I nodded my understanding, but I knew that it was quite likely that I would die, willingly, before calling other people into danger. Leia sensed this and continued, "Our pilots are well trained in these matters, Kendo, and they knew what they were signing up for when I contacted them last night. They would be hurt and embarrassed if you did not call them when needed." 

I nodded again, a bit chagrined and agreed that yes, I would call in an extraction team if need be. All of this was finally really starting to sink in, and it weighed heavily on my heart. 

"How should I explain these training sessions to Ben?" I asked, knowing that his skill and perception could out me almost immediately.

"You will tell him you are continuing your training with Master Linnen. He will, of course, understand." Luke stated simply, making me feel foolish as the answer was so obvious. 

"Do not be embarrassed, Young One," he said kindly, "there is much to absorb and comprehend after our visit today, and it is bound to cloud some areas of your mind." I smiled and nodded my head, willing myself to be patient. Only patience and the Force was going to get me through this difficult Trial. 

Master Luke rose from his seat, "I think that will be all for today, Kendo, Leia," he said, nodding to each of us in turn. "There is much planning to do after this meeting, missions and such for Ben that will have to be planned out when he needs to be gone from here. Leia, why don't you and Kendo make arrangements for the tech to be installed in her equipment and ship and Kendo," he said, turning towards me one more time, his hands coming to clasp mine again, "Kendo I will see at first light as we begin our training tomorrow. Please enjoy the rest of your day in the Temple." 

He let go of my hands and dismissed us, making his way back towards his meditation room, undoubtedly seeking some clarity with this new turn of events.


	12. Master Linnen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another short 'interlude' chapter.
> 
> Thanks for reading! Hope you're liking the story!

The next morning was to be my first training session with Master Luke. While I looked forward to the personalized attention from the head of the Jedi Order, it made everything real. The photos and documents Leia had shared with us, then carefully wiped off of our datapads, that darkness in Ben's mind. All real and looming over my mind like a storm cloud. 

I spent the afternoon following our meeting debriefing my mission with Linnen, my healing Master. 

Yet again I shared the story of how I met back up with Ben and the incident on Balvian III. While she was pleased that I had procured a good supply of the Flowering Mlaks that I had been sent to find, her attitude towards me became noticeably cooler with regards to Ben. I felt ashamed of myself when I confessed to her that we had rekindled our romance, and she was visibly upset when I told her that Master Luke had decided to not intervene. 

"Well, Kendo," she replied, her tone noticeably changed from her usual calm,  "I have met with Master Luke since your arrival at the Temple. He has informed me that, for the time being, your training with me is to be discontinued so that you may do some specialized training with Master Luke." I nodded in response, letting her continue. 

"While I am obviously feeling a bit let down, I understand that Master Luke has his reasons. I trust that he will do right by you." 

"I appreciate all the time that you have spent with me, Master." I responded respectfully. 

To become a Force Healer was a great and noble life path, and the time that Master Linnen had spent with me, I wanted to ensure her it was not in vain.  
"I want you to understand that I fully intend to return to my training once this mission for Master Luke is completed."

She smiled at me, her soft green skin darkening slightly. "That means so much to hear you say that, Kendo. I want to assure you, however, that your training is largely complete. You've really demonstrated yourself and other than anything you wanted to pursue personally, I've signed off on your training." She grasped my hand within her two thin, four fingered ones and pulled me close, hugging me tightly.

"I'm proud of you, Kendo. Despite my initial reaction to the news of you and Ben Solo, I truly am. You have been a wonderful student, and you are a magnificent Force Healer. I know that Master Luke respects and appreciates you." 

I hugged her back, choking back a sob. 

Everything felt as if it were ending so suddenly and it was all hitting me at once. 

Master Linnen relaxed her embrace and examined my tear stained face. 

"Trust in the Force, Kendo," she said reassuringly, sensing that there was something deeper happening here, "it will not lead you astray."


	13. Master Luke

I floated lightly a foot or so above my meditation cushion, listening to Master Luke's calming voice.

Today's session, our fourth since we met with Princess Leia, was focused on actively using the Force to manipulate my surroundings while ensuring that my thoughts could be disguised or hidden from another Force wielder. This skill was vital to my mission's success, and could mean life or death for me. Of course I was having great difficulty with it. 

I could feel Master Luke probing my thoughts, searching for information there. He pushed through my visualized barriers very quickly and easily, causing me to lose my concentration and first rise higher then fall, flattening my body so I could avoid hurting myself as much as possible. It still hurt just fine when I belly flopped onto the cushion. Master Luke smiled and helped me to my feet. 

"Let's take a break, Kendo. You've most certainly earned it." 

That had been the fifth or sixth time I fell to the ground like that and my ribs and my stomach were feeling pretty sore by now. It hadn't been like this for me since I first started training with the Force when I was a child.

I rubbed my side and followed him out to a covered porch, the rain falling like a curtain around us. R2-D2 followed us out with a steaming pot of tea and two large mugs. The droid beeped and whistled at Master Luke while he placed the tray down on a small table.

"Thank you, Artoo," he said, smiling at the little astromech droid. "We'll figure out if we're eating something in a few." R2 beeped in response and rolled back into Master Luke's chambers. 

We sat in a comfortable silence, listening to the rain as it fell, drenching everything. The rainy season had arrived on Yavin, forcing everyone inside for a time. 

The more daring Padawans would venture out, usually returning quickly as rain that heavy and relentless begins to be painful after a while. 

Occasionally it would lighten up for a few hours and everyone would gather in the courtyard, moving through their forms spontaneously together, happy for a break from the shadows of the Temple, even if it was still raining. 

"Master," I said, turning toward Luke sitting in his chair. He placed his mug down onto the tray and turned towards me. "I feel like I'm having a lot of difficulty with this particular skill."

He smiled again softly and shook his head, "It is a difficult skill to master, and you are becoming more and more successful every time that you try. Soon it will just click for you. Trust in the Force, my young apprentice. You are learning more quickly than you think."

I smiled in response and continued, "Master, I am nervous about this particular aspect of my mission. If I cannot master the ability to close my mind off..."

He patted my hand, "I can sense that you are troubled over this, Kendo. And you are justifiably nervous. This mission will be dangerous. You will be at risk nearly every moment of your life when you leave here with Ben." 

He sighed heavily when he said this, his blue eyes looking far off into the distant jungle. "You are an accomplished Jedi Knight, and difficult missions are your duty." 

I nodded, letting the gravity of his words sink in as I continued. 

"Master, what do you think will happen to me?" I asked timidly. This question had been looming in my mind, growing larger and larger in the forefront of my thoughts. I just could not seem to meditate it away. 

Luke inhaled deeply, and I could sense him gathering his thoughts before answering me. 

"I of course have been meditating on this question, Kendo," he started. He adjusted his position in his seat to get more comfortable and went on.

"If it comes to be that you must leave here with Ben, you can expect a few things to happen most certainly. You will be interrogated, no matter how much Ben vouches for you, they will still want you interrogated. This will be easy for you as Snoke will not conduct such a mundane activity himself and will have one of his underlings do it. But it will not be Ben, and it's highly unlikely that it will be another Force Wielder." I listened intently, absorbing this information. 

"Once you pass your interrogation, you will take up your residence. I have no way of knowing if you will reside on a ship or if you will be brought to one of the First Order bases. My meditations have not revealed much beyond this, I am not as lucky to have Force visions as some Jedi are..." 

He trailed off, letting the silence hang in the air for a moment. 

"My sister will return in a few weeks time, and I know that she has been putting together a list of scenarios that could happen if you leave here. Her experience with espionage is much more extensive than mine. Certainly the First Order will utilize you in any way they possibly can. Either in your capacity as a healer or as an example of why the First Order and the old Empire are the best thing for the Galaxy." 

I nodded again, turning his words over in my mind. 

"Are you disappointed in me, Master?" Another question that had been looming. 

After the cool reception I received from Master Linnen, I was fearful that Luke thought less of me because I permitted myself to fall for Ben so many years ago and was not able to put that aside, no matter how hard I tried. I felt weak, and it was something that Master Luke and I had not yet delved into during our sessions.

He turned towards me abruptly, smiling just a little while shaking his head.  
"No, my young apprentice, I am not disappointed in you." He reached out and held my hand, his deep calm reassuring me.

"You share a powerful Force bond with Ben. It's highly unlikely that your will alone could disrupt something like that. I should have recognized it years ago, and I apologize that I did not." 

I accepted his apology, but I was not sure what he meant when he said that Ben and I shared a Force bond. The concept was new to me. 

"A Force bond, Kendo, is when two Force wielders share a similar Force signature. Their energies are intertwined, entangling their Force signatures. As such, both Force wielders become significantly more powerful when they are together. It's as if their two become one powerful signature, feeding into each other. I am sure you notice a difference in your abilities when Ben is close by." 

I agreed and talked about our training sessions on my ship during our shared mission. How we seemed to compliment one another. 

"Exactly," Luke said, nodding. "Now, of course, this means that you can be more easily tempted by Ben to the Dark Side..." 

He trailed off as I listened to his words, feeling them sting so keenly in my stomach. He was of course right, but the words still hurt. All Jedi want to believe that they are strong and infallible, that the seductions of the Dark Side are small in comparison to what training with the Jedi could bring. 

"Master Luke," I ventured again, swallowing nervously, "why do you think that Ben has been dabbling in the Dark Side? What is leading him there?"

Luke stroked his beard thoughtfully, closing his eyes while he put his thoughts into words. 

"Many things, Kendo, although I will say that I do not believe that you or your presence is one of those things. I think you are a force for the Light in Ben's life. While much of this is clouded, certainly Ben's tumultuous relationship with his mother and father are part of it. Ben needs much guidance, and I do not believe that Leia and Han were prepared for such a child." He sighed, feeling bad about speaking ill of his sister and her husband. 

"Certainly our family history and the very recent and public revelation of who his grandfather is have also played a part. It was a calculated risk on our part to hide this from Ben until we felt he was ready. Unfortunately, he found out when the rest of the Galaxy found out. This has further deepened the divide between Ben and his family, myself included." 

Luke rose from his chair as R2-D2 rolled back out, collecting the tray and beeping questioningly at his Master.

"No, Artoo, I don't think we'll be needing anything to eat at this time, but thank you for taking the tray." 

He patted the droid lightly and beckoned me to stand, "Come along, Kendo. We have much work to do and little time to do it." 

I rose and followed him, unsure of how to feel after our conversation ended so suddenly. 

I needed to remember that this was Luke's nephew we were talking about, and I am sure these questions hurt him. 

While I needed answers certainly, I also needed to be more mindful of the hurt and pain that Ben's family was surely experiencing.


	14. A Break in the Clouds

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last update for a while. This is the last chapter I currently have completed and carried over from my WattPad account. But I'll be working on finishing up this chronicle over the next few days. 
> 
> Thanks for reading if you are! If you like what you're reading, let me know what you think is working. I'm happy to receive constructive feedback!

The next few weeks passed in a blur of training, eating, and sleeping. 

Ben had been sent off on a mission of his own to allow me the time to develop the skill to deflect him from delving into my thoughts. It was a skill that Ben naturally possessed, I learned, accounting for those times when we first reconnected and I was so easily distracted from the darkness growing within him. 

My own skills grew at every session. Master Luke's firm but gentle training further shaped my understanding and manipulation of the Force. 

Where Ben was all cockiness and emotion, Luke moved with the Force, allowing it to flow through him, using him as he in turn used it. I hoped that my training would some day lead me to where Master Luke was.

We talked much of the time. He taught me lessons he learned from Master Yoda on Dagobah, lessons from my Grandfather Obi-Wan, and lessons he learned from his time serving the Rebellion in the Galactic Civil War. 

The stories about my grandfather, as brief as their time together was, were my favorite. I truly got a sense of who Obi-Wan Kenobi was through Luke's lessons. That in turn deepened my understanding of myself. 

On a rare rainy season sunny day, I was heading towards the courtyard to work with the younger Padawans when I heard a familiar voice ringing down the hallway. My heart quickened and I felt a flush come over me. Ben had returned from his mission. 

I could sense that he was heading towards me and I took a deep breath and turned just as he came around a corner. His grin grew wide when he saw me and he picked up his pace. I returned his smile, feeling a warm happiness spread through me at the sight of him. 

"Kendo!" He called excitedly, scooping me up and holding me close. He put me down gently and pressed his lips tightly against mine, breathing me in. He drew me close again and broke our kiss, murmuring in my ear. "I've missed you." I smiled and met his warm gaze. 

During one of our many discussions, I had asked Master Luke if I was allowed to still love Ben, even with all of this going on. Luke was amused by my question and told me that not only was I allowed to continue loving Ben, but that it was of vital importance to my mission. 

"Kendo," he told me, "your love for Ben is what he needs. You are truly the only person here who he has ever opened up to, ever been warm towards. He's always been closed to us in his family. Your love, your compassion and your understanding of Ben is just what he needs. We are all fallible, we all slip from our paths from time to time, but that does not make us unworthy of being loved. Love him as best as you can, just as you always have."

With this conversation in mind, I laced my fingers through Ben's, feeing his Force energy keenly for the first time in weeks. We moved towards the entrance to the courtyard while he told me about his recent mission.

"Did you take good care of my ship?" I asked him after he was done catching me up.

"Of course!" He said. He smiled mischievously, turning to face me before we stepped outside. 

"Do we have a few minutes, Kendo?" He asked, drawing me in for another long kiss. 

I broke free for a moment, our lips still close together while I breathlessly responded.   
"For what, Ben?" 

He laughed softly, kissing me again, his hands moving over my back, his kisses growing hungrier. I laughed too and pushed him away from me, shaking my head. 

"Ben, I have Padawans expecting me." I protested, slipping away from his grasp. He laughed again and leaned in for a final kiss. 

"I missed you," he said again, his face suddenly grave. 

"I missed you too, Ben. I'm glad you're home."

His head cocked to the side as I said that, his eyes probing me. My defenses remained intact as I met his gaze and I felt a small surge of pride in my skills. 

Ben's brow furrowed a bit, but he kissed me again, and, releasing me, intertwined our fingers as we headed towards the dim sunlight of the courtyard.

The group of Padawans awaiting my arrival were fairly young, only between six and seven years of age. 

Master Linnen usually taught this class, but asked me to step in as she had taken on a new Padawan of her own recently and needed my help. 

I was happy to take her place as it not only made me feel as if it helped ease some of the tension between us, but I enjoyed spending time with the younger Jedi. They were so exuberant and brimming  with the Force. 

Their faces lit up when they saw me enter the courtyard, and they weren't able to contain their excitement when they saw Ben following me. They broke from their neat lines and ran over to us, mobbing around Ben's long legs. 

Their little voices rang out, "Master Ben! Master Ben!" Craning their necks to look up at him. He knelt down so they could stop straining their necks and they all hugged him at once. It was rare that I'd seen such a smile on Ben's face, his eyes crinkling at the corners. 

Training Padawans this young was always fun. Their Force energy was irresistible and could bring a smile to even the most serious of Jedi Masters' faces. But it was obvious they had a special connection with Ben. 

One brave Padawan, a little Pantoran girl, came forward. Her four arms waved as she asked in a sweet little voice, "Master Ben? Can we see your lightsaber again?" The other Padawans nodded and agreed, mobbing around Ben while he laughed. 

His new lightsaber had become a topic of conversation around the Temple over the last several weeks. The little ones were simply fascinated by it. 

"Ok, Padawans, Ok." He said, standing up again, shuffling them towards the training yard again. 

"I can show you my lightsaber," he reached towards his hip where the cross-guarded blade hung. A few of the children squealed in delight as Ben brought one long finger to his lips to calm them down.

"But!" He continued, removing his hand from the hilt of his saber, "You will all have to be very attentive to Master Kendo during your lesson." 

There were a few quiet groans while the Padawans lined up in their neat rows again. Ben touched me lightly on the back and smiled as I moved forward to take my position as Master for this class. I smiled as the class looked at me, their cheeks plump with youth and the simple joy of being alive as I said hello to everyone.

"If we could all take a seat in our most comfortable meditation position, today we're going to be working on a floating meditation." 

I heard several oohs and aahs from the Padawans as Ben took a seat in the grass beside me, his gaze warm and his smile bright on this beautiful day in the courtyard of the Jedi Temple.


	15. Poe Dameron

Months flew by without incident and without Ben leaving. He went on his missions, I trained for a mission no one knew was certain to happen. 

The Princess Leia returned to Yavin, specifically to spend time with me and to advise me in any number of things that may arise should I leave with Ben. 

She brought with her a young pilot named Poe Dameron. It was he who would be leading my extraction team, should it be necessary. He would also be making the necessary tech modifications to both my ship's communication systems and to my datapad. 

After scenario exercises with Leia on a reasonably nice day (the rainy season on Yavin was finally drawing to a close) I walked across the courtyard to where Poe was tinkering with my ship. I'd only met him briefly before giving him the go ahead, and I wanted to make sure that he was leaving my ship intact. 

I headed up the ladder to the main hatch, making noise so I wouldn't startle him. When I entered the cockpit, he was so engrossed in what he was doing, I cleared my throat and waited for him to notice he wasn't alone.

"Hey!" Poe said finally, his face breaking into a welcoming grin. He stood up, wiping his fingers on a shop towel at his side and extended his hand to shake mine. His grasp was warm and friendly. 

"How are things coming along?" I asked, gesturing towards the control panel. Some wires were askew and there were component panels removed and neatly set aside. I could tell by the workspace that this was a man who respected star ships.

"Doing well, I think!" He replied. Poe was Leia's favorite X-wing pilot, and she outright stole him from the Republic star fighter ranks. He was handsome, a bit rakish, and friendly to just about everyone. He made me feel comfortable around him as he pointed out the components he had changed.

"So these deep sub-space communication systems all encrypt to some extent," he pointed to the terminal where a few wires still needed to be replaced.

"But this new system we're installing goes one bit further. You'll enter in a code whenever you want to speak to us," he tapped in a code and I watched the small screen calculate as it reached towards its intended receiver. It finally pinged and Poe showed me a small handheld com link. 

"So now we're connected, yeah?" He looked into the com link and his grinning face showed up on the small screen. I laughed at the way it distorted his features and waited for him to continue.

"We went with direct video instead of holo, due to the level of encryption your mission will require. It just uses less data, and we'll be able to communicate in real time with no lag. We could have gone with voice communication only, but the General knew you'd like to see a friendly face now and again. This is the same way your datapad will work."

"Who will have a comlink?" I asked, inspecting the little tube. 

"General Organa and myself will have the two comlinks that your transponders will be able to connect to. We felt it was safer that way." 

I nodded, returning the comlink to Poe as he continued going over the specs of my new systems. It was somehow calming to speak to someone who was familiar with the plan instead of constantly trying to hide it from prying minds. 

I helped him finish up, replacing panels and snipping and tying up the loose ends of wires. Finally everything seemed back in its place. I stood up and started heading towards the gangplank again.

"Before we go, would you, uh, mind showing me around your ship?" Poe asked. I nodded and smiled.

"Sure!" I said, happy to show off my pride and joy. 

"Are you familiar with Star Cruiser Class Corellian ships?" I asked, leading him through the ship. 

Poe walked around the ship, his eyes wide as he absorbed everything. 

"Not really," he said finally. "I know they were rare and tremendously expensive in their day. How did you find one in such great shape?"

I laughed, leading him through the back of the ship where the quarters and galley were. 

"She wasn't in such great shape when I first found her," I said, opening hatch ways and doors so Poe could get a good look. "It's been a labor of love for me, getting her back to her old self. She's not perfect, but she does her job well. I had a lot of help from Captain Solo over the years." 

Poe smiled wistfully. "That's just awesome." I laughed and started leading us to the exit again. 

We chatted as we walked back towards the Temple. Poe was visibly distracted by the huge buildings, with their ornate carvings of legendary Jedi Masters and old Je'daii prayers. The vines from the surrounding jungle were barely contained, further giving the ancient structure an almost ominous appearance to an outsider like Poe. 

"Sorry," he said finally, apologizing for his distraction. "I've never been to a Jedi Temple before, and I haven't interacted with many Jedi, other than the General's family." He must know Ben, then. "I'll try to pay better attention." 

I laughed, "Well if you have any questions, I'd be happy to answer them for you." I laughed even harder as Poe finally looked at me instead of up and around, seeing me in a neat cross legged seat, floating gently next to him a few feet from the ground. His eyes widened and he pointed down to where my feet should have been.

"But!" He stammered, the surprise on his face so earnest that it was downright comical. 

I uncrossed my legs and relaxed, releasing the Force's hold on my body as I dropped my feet to the ground. 

"How do you do that?!" Poe finally sputtered out. We crossed the courtyard finally and entered the open doorway of the Temple, the dimness of the stone building taking a moment to adjust to.

"It's easy if you're a Force wielder, Poe." I closed my eyes and stretched out my right arm, the Force thrumming off of my fingers. The humming I always sensed became just barely audible as I wrapped it around Poe's body and lifted him gently off of the floor. I had no idea why I felt the need to show off like this, but Poe's childlike apprehension and glee were worth the use of my energies. 

Poe laughed loudly as I placed him gently back on his feet, curling the Force back up into my body. I laughed with him as he said, breathlessly, "You're gonna have to show me that trick. Seems like a good one for picking up girls at the cantina"

Our laughs echoed down the hall as I heard my name. "Kendo!" In a harsh, stern whisper. 

I stood up straight and turned towards the source of the voice and saw Ben there, standing like a shadow in the corner, watching Poe and I laugh. 

Immediately my mental defenses snapped into place as he took two long strides and was at my side. He glared down at Poe, using his height to intimidate him. 

"Dameron." Ben said, the word like ice in his mouth. "What brings you to Yavin?" I could sense the animosity Ben had for him. Witnessing our exchange probably only fueled the fire. 

Poe, on the other hand, acted cool and collected, shaking Ben's hand enthusiastically. "Your mom asked me to pilot the Mirrorbright for her on this trip. She's been meeting with your Uncle Luke. And I think maybe your dad's even coming by later. A big old family reunion!" 

Either Poe wasn't picking up on Ben's body language or he just didn't care. Ben visibly recoiled when he heard his father might be coming to Yavin, but Poe's grin remained wide as he delivered the news, slapping Ben on the upper arm like they were old pals. Finally Ben just turned away, coming up next to me again. 

"You shouldn't be showing off your skills like that, Kendo." He said, addressing me as a teacher might an unruly student. "You waste your energies unnecessarily."  
He turned on his heel and walked away, his Force signature crackling. 

I followed him, pulling him into a corner to confront his behavior.

"What's going on here, Ben?" I asked, my frustration showing on my face. "What gives you the right to speak to me like that, or to treat a guest of your mother's in such a way? What's wrong with you?" 

He sighed and looked towards where Poe had stood. His expression became even more hardened as he finally responded. 

"I've never quite gotten along with Poe Dameron." He said, running his fingers through his hair and finally giving me a sheepish sort of grin. "He seemed like he was flirting with you, and, well, since he's the son my parents always wanted..." His voice trailed off as he pulled me in and kissed me softly on the forehead. I could feel that burning heat within him again, struggling to be contained. 

Suddenly an alarm sounded through the Temple, flushing Padawans and Jedi out into the halls. The confusion was palpable as the alarm echoed down the stone chambers, and Ben and I waded into the mob to calm everyone down. Finally I saw Master Luke turn a corner, his sister at his side. 

"Everyone, everyone!" He shouted through cupped hands, "let's please make our way towards the courtyard so we can talk away from this racket." 

Ben took the lead, picking up the smallest Padawan and carrying him on his shoulder as he lead everyone towards the light of the entryway. We entered the courtyard and everyone assembled neatly, awaiting Master Luke's direction. He took his place at the front with Leia beside him and started speaking.

"I apologize for the disruption," he started, checking on the youngest children and wiping away their frightened tears.

"It has come to our attention that there has been an attack. This Temple was once a rebel base for the Rebel Alliance. All of the alarm systems from that era are still intact."

The crowd murmured amongst themselves as Luke continued speaking.

"This attack has been perpetrated by the First Order, a military junta determined to restore the Galaxy to the Galactic Empire, or something very much like it. My sister, General Leia Organa-Solo, has been leading a Resistance against the First Order with the tentative blessing of the Republic. Here on Yavin, we're going to be providing support to the Resistance in any way we can." 

I glanced towards Ben while Master Luke made his speech, looking for any shadow of what he'd been keeping secret on his face. He simply attended to the children around him, only looking up every now and again to smile towards me or listen to Luke. 

This was the first time any sort of announcement had been made at the Temple regarding the First Order. I knew from our private talks that Luke had intended a much less urgent announcement. This sudden attack brought the First Order out of the shadows and showed they were willing to fight for what they wanted. 

Master Luke continued, "We're looking for a few Jedi to accompany General Organa to the site of the attack. It could be dangerous." He glanced around as hands shot up, mine included. Ben glared at me when he saw me volunteer, but I knew they would need a healer for this mission.

Luke picked a handful of Jedi, Ben and I included. We gathered towards the front as Leia took over to give detailed information about the mission while the Jedi staying behind gathered up the Padawans to get back to the Temple. 

Someone had turned the searing alarm off and the Younglings were finally calming down. 

Leia stood in the center of us, detailing where and how the attack took place. 

They attacked a small belt of neutral worlds referred to as the Trans-Hydian   
Borderlands. This belt divided Republic space from First Order space. A sudden, unprovoked attack like this made a loud statement. It said the First Order was ready to engage. Now we were talking big time. 

 

While Leia outlined who would go with who, I felt Ben come up alongside me and grab my right hand with his left. He raised his hand up and waved towards his mother.

"Kendo and I can take her ship. We can fit another plus a droid." A few of the Jedi around us threw Ben resentful glances. 

With Knights our own age, our accepted relationship was seen as nepotism, Ben being allowed to do what he wanted due to his family. It further divided him from many others in the Order, separating him from his peers. 

Leia nodded towards her son, pointing at another young Jedi. "Kallan, go ahead and go with Ben and Kendo. There's no droids to spare, so don't worry about that."

She stepped to the side, projecting an image of the Galaxy against the dim wall of the Temple.

"We're going to stay together through hyperspace and approach this system as one cohesive unit. Don't be fooled, the First Order is well equipped and has been waiting for an opportunity like this. While our main focus for this mission is to assist the people and see what damage has been done, the First Order may be ready to engage, so we have to be prepared as well. Mission reports are being uploaded to all of your datapads now."

We all tapped at our datapads to confirm the information we needed was downloading. Leia continued.

"We leave in one hour. I know this has been a surprise for most of you. I appreciate your willingness to assist the Resistance. Please go prepare for our journey."

We broke off, splitting up into our different groups. Kallan Lano, a young just barely Knighted Jedi followed Ben and I as we headed back to our rooms. He looked nervous and I smiled at him, trying to soothe his nerves. 

"The General will ensure our safety, Kallan. She has no desire to lose valuable Knights on our first mission to assist the Resistance." He relaxed slightly as we headed through the now chaotic halls. 

"Ben, do you think this is a tipping point? This is a bold move by the First Order."

Ben merely shrugged, his bad mood still lingering. "I'm sure my mother is well aware of what we're getting into." 

His indifference made me question yet again his supposed commitment to the First Order. I reminded myself that he was powerful and had been working on this deception for quite  
some time. Leia trusted her Intelligence Officers, they had never led her astray.


	16. Violence and Chaos

Explosions rocked my ship as we left hyperspace, TIE fighters awaiting our arrival. The X-Wing squadron, led by Poe Dameron, drew the TIE fighters away from the rest of the ships, creating a screen so that we could secure our landing. None of the First Order's battleships were in sight, but as TIE's were usually short range ships, I expected they'd arrive at any moment. 

Ben sat in the co-pilot seat, punching coordinates and talking with Joph Seastriker, the pilot who took over the Mirrorbright so that Poe could lead the X-Wing squadron. He got the coordinates for the rendezvous point and entered them into the ship's computer, then left his seat to check on Kallan. 

The young Jedi sat in the ship's main compartment, a little green from all the rocking around my ship had been doing. Ben reassured him that we'd be landing soon and told him to make sure his lightsaber was ready to go, just in case. 

We landed next to a burning town, sirens blaring and the citizens running around confused and scared. General Organa exited her ship and gathered us together for a debriefing. 

"The TIE squadron has been dealt with by Poe and his X-Wings. Our long range scans indicate that there are no First Order battleships in the vicinity, just one TIE squadron left behind." I raised my hand tentatively, knowing the answer before I asked.

"I had thought that TIE fighters were incapable of hyperspace travel."

Leia nodded, acknowledging me and continuing on, "Yes, Master Kenobi, the TIE fighters we are mostly familiar with were short range, not able to leave their Mother Ship's side for long. However, the First Order is much more technologically advanced than the Empire was. They've spent the last twenty years ensuring that." 

She went on to detail the preliminary reports about the attack on this region. 

The First Order was making its first decisive move, attacking the neutral planets to effectively break up the Borderlands. Their methods were brutal, divide and destroy, eliminating all Republic sympathizers. Leia expected systems from this belt to side with the First Order to avoid the violence. 

Ben, Kallan and one other Jedi were tasked with searching for any Stormtroopers left behind. 

Myself and a young Padawan who had been selected were to triage the wounded, identify any doctors or healers left and try to get as many medical supplies together as we could. I moved my ship closer and brought down the formal gangplank to lead the wounded inside to be treated. This would be my first real test, out in the field, and I was more than ready to use my skills. 

I caught Ben's eye as he broke off from the group to lead the Jedi through the flaming village. He gave me a crooked grin and I suddenly felt his touch, down my cheek, across my shoulders and down to the small of my back, right where he always rested his hand if we were walking together. I heard a whisper in my head, "I love you, Kendo." as he walked off with his Knights, their lightsabers drawn and ready to go. It brought a smile to my lips, despite the chaos surrounding us. That small level of intimacy amidst the violence. I grabbed the Padawan assigned to me and we made our way through the village to help the wounded. 

 

Hours later I collapsed, utterly exhausted from the day. 

We had helped hundreds of villagers, patching up everything from small scrapes to shattered bones. The village healers had been killed in the attack, so it was just me and this young and scared Padawan girl, trying our hardest to make sure everyone was seen. 

I surveyed the inside of my ship. Soot from the fires smudged the walls and floors, supplies were strewn about, trash bins overflowing. 

The Padawan assigned to me, who's name I kept forgetting in the chaos, gathered up the used supplies and started putting everything back where it belonged. Regardless of her nervousness, she was eager to help and showed much skill as a healer. She closed up a box of bacta bandages and brought me a glass of much needed water. 

"Thank you!" I said, embarrassed that I had forgotten her name again. 

She smiled and replied, "It's Viklin, Master Kenobi. I understand. It's been an unusual day." I smiled wanly and guzzled the water down, my tired body feeling momentarily revitalized. 

To be a Force Healer meant taking on more than just healing the sick. To utilize your own Force energy in such a way left the Healer exhausted, and oftentimes in a great deal of pain. I was running on adrenaline now, but I knew the next day I would likely be unable to do very much of anything. It was worth it, of course, but during these chaotic scenes, which I'm sure were only going to increase now, it might even leave me out for a day or two. I'd have to speak with Master Linnen when we arrived back at the Temple. 

I heard a familiar step coming up the gangplank and rose to my feet, willing myself to move forward. Viklin stopped what she was doing, alarmed when she saw my pale face. I waved her away. 

"I'm fine, Viklin. Just tired from the day. That's Ben coming into the ship. Please don't let on that I feel this way. He wouldn't understand." 

"Wouldn't understand what?" Ben said, stepping into the main compartment of the ship, his large form dwarfing everything around him. His tunic was torn and soot smudged his cheek. "Kendo! Are you ok?" He rushed to my side and helped me over to a proper chair, his face concerned as he ran his large hands over my face and form, making sure I wasn't hurt. 

"Yes, yes," I said, gently pushing his hands off of me. "I'm just exhausted. We helped a lot of people, Viklin and I." I smiled thinly at my Padawan helper, nodding at her that I really was ok. Ben was harder to convince. He looked into my eyes gravely, probing my thoughts. I sat up straighter and gathered what little energy I had left. 

"It's all very normal, Ben. I've utilized my own Force energy to assist the people here who were hurt. It takes a lot out of a Healer. I'll be fine in a day or two."

"You're sure?" he said, the concern leaving his voice slowly as he relaxed.

"I am." I replied, adamantly. I rose from my seat and shuffled over to the galley, determined to make a good show of things as I got my own glass of water. 

"Tell us what happened here, Ben."

Ben paced over to the washroom, grabbing a cloth and wetting it to wipe my face down. 

"Well, I'm sure that Mother has a debriefing for us this evening. We're likely going to spend the night here to ensure the attack is over. It was a massacre, Kendo. There were thousands in this village. Now only a few hundred are left." 

I listened while he told Viklin and I about what they saw. No Troopers had been left behind to gather intelligence from, but it was pretty clear that the First Order's strategy had been successful. The citizens left were hesitant to discuss what they saw, fearing retaliation. 

"A few of our soldiers and Kallan were injured. Nothing life threatening, just some cuts and bruises. Are you able to heal them, Kendo?" 

I nodded, raising myself up to grab some supplies. 

"Let's head down to base and see what's going on there," I said, gesturing toward Viklin to grab another pack for herself. 

"I know they'll be pleased to see you, Kendo." Ben smiled, leading me out of the ship. 

The flames were gone finally, though ashes still fell like dark rain all around. The overwhelming chaos had died down, leaving a deep sadness in its wake as the villagers made their way around, collecting the bodies of their loved ones. 

That voice inside me again, examining the scene, examining Ben. Was he part of this? I thought. Really a part of this? My head was clouded again, refusing to believe the evidence I'd been given. 

The calm before the storm had erupted in an onslaught of violence and every fiber of my being wanted to refuse. Refuse to believe that this person I loved could somehow be involved. Refuse to believe that our long, quiet peace was destroyed


	17. Endor

I woke in the dim luminescence of hyperspace. 

After finally leaving the Borderlands several days after we had been expecting to, we were finally heading home. At Ben's request we deviated from course so that he would be able to complete a small mission put aside for the attack on the Borderlands. Young Kallan was of course along for the ride, excited to be assisting THE Ben Solo on a mission. 

I made my way to the cockpit where Ben was sprawled out, his long limbs seemingly draped over every available surface. He turned when he sensed me behind him, turning off his datapad and gently taking my wrist to pull me into his lap, holding me close. 

"Did you enjoy your nap?" He asked, nuzzling into my neck and sending shivers down my spine. 

"Mmm...I did," I replied, shaking the sleep from my head.

His arms wrapped around me tighter, drawing me in while his lips moved down my neck, his large hands moving over the front of my body. I closed my eyes, allowing him to take advantage of my post nap grogginess when I sensed another presence and quickly came to my senses. 

Kallan stood at the entrance to the cockpit, shuffling his feet and clearing his throat. I got up abruptly as Ben turned back to the console, sitting up straight and straightening his tunic.

"Everything okay, Kallan?" I asked, leading him towards the main compartment of the ship as I brushed my mussed hair back from my face. Kallan was eighteen, but a young eighteen and I was embarrassed that he had seen us in such a compromising position. I walked into the galley and poured water for both of us while we sat. 

"Are we nearly at our destination?" He asked, sipping from his glass. He was obviously embarrassed and trying to act as if nothing had occurred, grasping at straws to find something to change the subject. 

"I believe we are," I replied, punching the intercom button to ask Ben and confirm.

"What's our ETA, Ben?"

Ben replied, his deep voice crackling through the speaker, "About forty-five minutes till we land."

"Where exactly are we going?" I never asked when he input the coordinates into the ship's guidance system, and I took my nap soon after we entered hyperspace. 

The intercom crackled again as Ben replied, "The forest moon of Endor," he said. Kallan's face lit up when he heard that. I'd never been there either, and seeing the site of one of the last battles of the Galactic Civil War was enticing.

Ben joined us in the main compartment and grabbed his own glass of water, chatting easily about his mission until the auto pilot sounded our exit from hyperspace. Ben and I took up our positions in the cockpit and guided my ship towards Endor.

As we grew closer and closer to the moon, Ben pointed out great swaths of forest that were blackened from the great fires that happened after the second Death Star fell out of orbit. I had read about it, but seeing it in person was much different. 

We swept through the deep cloud layer and came through to the thick forest of the moon's surface. Ben pointed to a clearing and said, "put her down right there."

I landed my ship as another broke through the clouds. I looked at Ben quizzically but he shook his head.

"I am expecting them. I'm to acquire a Jedi artifact through them." His expression was dark and his brow furrowed. I could sense his heartbeat quicken when he saw the ship arrive. 

We left the ship with Kallan in tow. The other ship, a battered and heavy looking small freighter, landed and its crew exited. A Weequay male and his entourage, a group of four Weequay females, approached us, a black case in one of the female's arms. 

Ben broke away from Kallan and I to meet them in the center of the clearing, the robe on his left hip drawn back, ensuring his lightsaber was visible. 

My heart sank in my chest as I witnessed this overtly aggressive display and felt his force signature snap. He squared his shoulders as he stalked forward, his right hand extended and shook hands with the Weequay male. The female with the black case stepped forward as Ben nodded, leaning forward to see what was in the case. 

I stepped beside him as she opened the latch and gasped at what I saw. The melted and cracked helmet of the Sith Lord, Darth Vader. 

Ben inhaled sharply and lifted the helmet from the case, his eyes lighting up. He brought the distorted face to his, locking eyes with the eyes in the mask and smiled, coldly. 

"Yes..." He murmured under his breath, stroking the head of the helmet to wipe away the ashes from Darth Vader's funeral pyre. 

"Yes, Grandfather." he said, so softly you could hardly hear him. I stood back, shaking. Watching him practically drool over this thing made my stomach flip. 

The evil energy emanating from that helmet met with Ben's already darkening energy and gave his Force signature a whole different feel. 

I backed away suddenly and unintentionally, falling into Kallan who had finally caught up. He innocently peered over Ben's shoulder and gasped, causing Ben to turn around suddenly, Force pushing Kallan into the burned corpse of a tree at the edge of the clearing. I heard his back crack loudly as he screamed, crashing to the ground, his limbs painfully askew. 

The crew from the Weequay ship moved away from Ben as a group, reaching for their blasters. Ben gestured with his right arm, causing the blasters to fly through the air, away from their owners, leaving them unarmed. They turned to run back to their ship, their payment for the artifact forgotten, as I heard Ben's lightsaber ignite. 

I ran, ran as fast as I could, blind white panic filling my mind as I heard his lightsaber crackle and whirr through the air, cutting the group of Weequay down, their cries of pain quickly silenced. I made for my ship, my heart racing as I tried to clear my head and gain control of my fear. My only real thought was to get away from Ben, get Kallan and contact Leia. 

Suddenly I came to a stop. I felt Ben's Force energy around me, stopping me in my tracks. I pushed back with my own and broke his hold on me, reaching for my lightsaber. I turned to face him, igniting my orange blade. 

His lightsaber was extinguished, his shoulders slumped. He was no longer using the Force to manipulate me and his eyes were downcast as he moved towards me. I lowered my blade slightly and stood my ground. 

All my doubts over my mission, all the questions in my mind about Ben's very nature laid bare for me here on Endor. My mind raced, seeking to make sense of it all. This man, my closest friend and the love of my life was suddenly someone I didn't know. And this was no grainy photo on a datapad, this was real. Ben Solo was a murderer. 

"Kendo," he said softly, clipping his lightsaber to his belt and reaching out to me. "You have to understand. I did not intend to hurt Kallan." I shook my head, backing away from him. 

"I saw what happened, Ben. And the Weequays? I don't even have names to call them by while they lie dead by your hand!" I was shaking and unsure if I was angry, frightened or heartbroken. 

"I'm so sorry, Kendo. So sorry you had to see me like this." His face broke as he fell to his knees before me, collapsing as if injured. Even on his knees he was nearly my height, and his chest wracked with silent sobs as he looked at me, imploring me to listen. 

"I thought he was another of their crew, coming up behind me to steal the artifact. I didn't even..." He covered his face with his hands and breathed deeply. "I didn't even sense his signature." 

I calmed slightly, sensing his sincerity over injuring Kallan. I stood down and turned off my blade, but kept it in my hand. 

"And the Weequay?" 

"They were pirates, Kendo. Pirates selling Jedi artifacts on the black market. You did not see what their minds held."

I clipped my lightsaber to my belt, walking towards him. The integrity of my mission depended on me maintaining my relationship with Ben, despite what he might be capable of. Backing out was not an option. I had to see this through. 

I swallowed hard and continued towards him, still on his knees in the grass. 

"Did they have to die, Ben?" I said, looking down at his tear stained face.   
"And Vader's helmet?"

Ben rose to his feet, drawing me near him. 

"I am fascinated by the legacy of my grandfather, Kendo. There's no shame in such a thing. Your grandfather was a great Jedi as well."

"Yes, but your grandfather was a Sith Lord, Ben, who committed atrocities across the Galaxy." I retorted, unable to help myself. I saw the anger flare in his eyes briefly when I said this.

"Kendo I could never hurt you." Ben said suddenly, pulling me close again. It seemed as if he were reassuring himself more than me. Everything felt wrong. HE felt wrong. 

"I'm not so sure sometimes, Ben." I broke off our embrace and made my way towards Kallan, hoping beyond hope that he was still alive.


	18. Shadows Forming

Kallan lay at the base of a huge blackened tree, a thin stream of blood running from his ears and nose. I made a cursory exam of what I could see and determined that he was still alive. Injured, but alive.

I kneeled by his head and placed my hands on either side of his face, brushing aside his soft brown hair. The Force warmed my palms and thrummed off of me and into Kallan's body. 

First and foremost, he had a significant concussion. I felt around his skull with my Force energy, directing it into the parts of his brain that had been bruised when Ben flung him across the clearing. My pulse sped up with the effort and Kallan's light brown eyes eyes fluttered open. He moved, trying to prop himself up and flinched at the pain washing through his body. The pain moved through our Force connection and swept over me as well and I gasped. Ben moved towards me, concerned. I Force pushed him back weakly and I replaced my hand on Kallan's head, using the Force to move through his body and assist his body's healing process. The kyber crystal at my brow burned with the effort. 

Finally he was able to sit up, the pain throughout his body settling to a dull ache. He would need to spend some time in a Bacta tank when we returned to the Temple, but primary healing was completed and he could function well enough to get home. 

I helped him to his feet and felt all of my energy drain from my body. Ben caught me and I Force pushed him away again, barely moving his shoulder, considering my state. I was so disgusted with him I didn't even want to touch him. 

Kallan and I leaned on each other as we made our way back to the ship, Ben trailing with that vile thing in its case.

We boarded the ship and I helped Kallan into a bunk, plastering his cuts and bruises with gooey bacta bandages. Despite his injuries, he would recover. 

I faced the awful truth of my situation once Kallan was settled, realizing that I would have to rely on Ben to help get us back to the Temple.

I was spent. Absolutely exhausted from my days and nights spent healing in the Borderland territories we visited. Add Kallan to the list and I was quickly becoming unable to stand. Pains and spasms wracked through my body while I tried to make it to the cockpit. Ben grabbed me and sat me down, placing the black case he carried in a locked storage compartment set into the ship's walls.

"We're not going anywhere yet, Kendo," he said, getting me water and food from the galley. He placed them before me as he paced around the ship.

"We'll be staying here for a few more hours while I tidy up and you recover."

"Are you intending on telling Master Luke about what's happened here today?" I asked, my disgust apparent in my tone. 

"What happened with Kallan was an accident, Kendo, and I will explain it to Master Luke as such," Ben replied, growing impatient with me. 

"And the Weequay?" I pressed, knowing I was risking his wrath if I pressed him too hard.

He turned quickly, tilting his head as he stared hard at me, this new darker Force signature nearly purring around him. I felt my own weakened signature respond, matching the vibration of his, our Force bond suddenly almost visible between us. We locked eyes, my grey to his deep brown, and I was take a bit aback by the sudden surge I felt. Ben continued on.

"They were going to kill us, Kendo. Kill us and take the credits we were to purchase the artifact with, then sell it to another, likely doing the same thing. I saw what was in their minds." He approached me cautiously, his hands clasped behind his back. 

"They were a band of Weequay pirates, Kendo. And truth be told, it was me who arranged the purchase of my Grandfather's helmet. Master Luke doesn't know anything about it. This was not a Jedi mission." He stared hard at me, his jaw set firmly. There was no shame, no regret in his eyes, the lies rolling easily off his tongue, even to me. 

I stared back at him, the disbelief all over my face. I could hear Luke and Leia's words in my head, warning me of the blindness the Dark Side was could bring. 

Even with all of my training, all of the time with Master Luke, I had allowed my feelings for Ben to blind me to the subtlety of it all. I was arrogant and sanctimonious in my great ideals, and it was so apparent to me now. I was doomed to follow the same path as Obi-Wan.


	19. Owned

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains mature content

I gave myself over to sleep after eating something and drinking the water Ben had brought me. As I curled up in my bunk, the day's events swirled around my head, coloring the dreams I had but couldn't remember. 

When I woke, night had fallen on the moon of Endor. I felt only a little rested, but it was better than nothing. 

I checked on Kallan, who was still sleeping, but his mind was calm, his breath was even, and he seemed comfortable. I pulled the thin blanket up over his narrow shoulder and brushed his hair back from his pale, sweaty forehead. I felt awful that he'd witnessed and been subject to such violence. I hoped he'd make it out of this with that sweet innocence he possessed intact. 

I made my way cautiously around the ship, searching for Ben. I entered the cockpit and through the viewport I could see a fire blazing across the clearing where the Weequay ship had landed. That must be Ben "tidying up"as he had said earlier.

Walking down the gangplank, the cool forest night on my skin, I made my way across to where he stood, in the shadow of the Weequay ship, the night breeze blowing his robes around him. 

As I approached him, the bright glare of the flames illuminating the clearing with a surreal orange light, I could hear him whispering, but the roar of the fire made it impossible to make out what he was saying. 

I saw the bodies of the five Weequay pirates, neatly stacked, burning within the all consuming pyre Ben had made to clean up his mess. Their tough, leathery skin was burned away, their skulls gleaming dimly in the light. 

Ben sensed my presence, but did not turn towards me, continuing to whisper to the fire. It was then that I saw it. The helmet of his Grandfather, propped upon its black case like an altar. Ben was speaking to it, pleading to it. I could see tears rolling down his cheeks in the firelight as his strong face came into view. The hood of his robe was up, leaving half of his face in shadow as he cocked his head towards me. 

"I am torn, Kendo." His voice was grave, filled with a longing and sadness I did not know he possessed. 

"I know you can only hate me now. Because of what I have done. That boy, Kallan. These pirates. You judge me, but you don't understand. Not even you follow the Jedi Code, but expect it of me." 

I came around the front of him, my back to the flames, obstructing his view of that awful thing. The wind whipped my black hair around my face as I reached up, pulling the hood away from his head. I placed my palms on either side of his face and looked into his dark eyes. 

Such sadness within him, and pain. He allowed me to see only a little before turning away, the crackle of darkness rising within him again. 

"You have turned against me, Kendo. Just as my family has."

"No!" I said, turning him to face me again. "I want to help you, Ben. Help you with this sadness, this suffering within you. I love you, just as your family loves you."

He snorted, his full lips twisting into an angry sneer. "My family. Yes, the great Skywalker clan. Born of slavery, rising to one of the highest positions within the Galactic Empire, only to be brought down by weak, idealistic fools..." He trailed off and began pacing again, his robe blowing behind him. 

"Ben," I interjected, "your mother..."

"My mother's only interest was politics. I was a mistake, an accident. Born from an accidental love with a low life smuggler." He laughed cynically. "Forcing two people together who shouldn't have been. Why do you think they're always apart? She married my father to avoid disgrace in the Senate. For her, the Senate has always come first." 

I shook my head, "She loves you so much, Ben, as does Han. I wish you could..." But trailed off again as Ben spun around, his right hand outstretched as he Force pushed me against the side of the Weequay ship. 

"Do NOT speak to me of my father, Kendo Kenobi. He was certainly more of a father to you than he ever could be to me."

He stalked towards me, still holding me against the ship with the Force. My heart raced as he towered over me, intimidating me with his size. 

"Please! BEN!" I begged, fear rising in my throat. I struggled with my own weakened Force energy to push him away, to escape from his grasp. But he was stronger than me, his brute strength fueled by his anger, by his suffering.

He continued to press me up against the ship, sneering at me while I squirmed.

"I am meant for better things than just being a mere Jedi, Kendo. I have been watched, monitored by the strongest and wisest Force wielder in the Galaxy. Soon my destiny will be revealed and my training with him with be commence"

He studied me, my frightened face, pale and trembling. His brows furrowed in concentration, probing my mind, pushing aside our shared, innocent memories of love and bright sunny days. My defenses remained intact. He was unable to probe past them to discover my mission. 

"You will leave me again." He said, suddenly releasing me from his grasp, turning back towards the flames, back towards the helmet upon its makeshift altar. I moved towards him again, grasping his shoulder and turning him to face me again. 

"No, Ben." I said softly, reaching up to bring his face towards mine, our lips brushing against one another. "I will never leave you alone again." 

I felt his Force signature whip around the both of us, engulfing me in that dark, but seductive, energy. He pressed his lips against me, hard, forcing his tongue into my mouth as his large hands found my small shoulders, pushing me up against the Weequay ship once more. 

I stumbled, and he caught me, kissing me harder and more passionately than ever before. I felt a sudden dampness between my legs as my body reacted to this new Ben. He sensed my arousal and growled into my neck, his left hand coming between my legs and feeling the wetness, even through my leggings. I could feel his lips pull back into a smile against my neck as he stood, removing his robe. 

He kissed me again, his fingers fumbling with the belt at my waist, finally finding the clasp and ripping it off of me, tossing it aside. I should have been scared by his aggression, but the rougher he got, the more wet and swollen I felt. I moaned against him as he tore away my tan tunic and, stepping back again, looked at my body, drinking me in. My small breasts and nipples swollen and blushed with my arousal. 

He removed his black tunic, slowly, watching me. The fire gleamed off of his hard torso, sculpted by his years of dedicated training, dappled with scars. He slipped off his boots and moved towards me again, pulling off his tunic trousers, freeing his throbbing cock. I moaned again as he placed a hand over my mouth, shoving his left hand down my leggings to the source of the wetness. My hips bucked against his hand with the contact. 

He removed my boots gently, slowly pulling my leggings down around my pale legs and over and off my small feet. We both stood naked in the firelight, panting and wanting. 

I felt his Force energy slowly wrap itself around my slender throat, stroking my neck. I gasped at the sudden increase in my arousal and he smiled. It was a slow, almost evil smile that did nothing but make me want him more. 

He turned me around, pressing my face against the side of the ship and kicked my legs out further, coming behind me. I could feel his cock pressing against my buttocks as he took both of my wrists in his right hand and with his left, guided his cock into my dripping wet center. Our Force bond seemed to click into place, and I cried out in my pleasure as he began to move within me. 

Our sex had never been like this, so purposeful, so passionate and angry. Mostly we played innocently, like teenagers, but this was something utterly different. I felt like he was claiming me, owning me, taking his pleasure from me whether I liked it or not. And I was surprised at how much I wanted it, no, needed it.

Ben moaned, sensing my pleasure as he grabbed a fistful of my hair, rocking inside of me. My arousal rose, the crest of a wave crashing as I clenched against him and cried out again, my voice ringing through the dead and blackened trees surrounding the clearing. 

And there, in the light of the funeral pyre, the burned and blackened corpses of the murdered pirates and the helmet of Darth Vader staring at us, I allowed Ben to take me as his own.


	20. Return to Yavin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay! I was considering ending this chronicle after the last chapter, but I decided to continue with my original outline.  
> Please let me know if you're enjoying the story! I'd love to hear your feedback and constructive criticism! Thank you!

The journey back to the Temple the following morning was quick. We didn't delay as I was rested and Kallan needed medical attention. 

As I glided my ship through the fog over the Endorian Forest, I glanced one last time at the Weequay ship and the remains of the pyre, the wood blackened and jumbled, disguising the burnt corpses. Someone would make quite a discovery here someday. I was saddened suddenly, the memory of last night with Ben flooding my brain. He sensed this and touched the back of my hand softly as if to reassure me. I glanced over at him and saw his face, the guilt and sadness in his eyes filling my heart with woe. 

My Ben was gone. That was clear to me now. It should have been clear to me months ago, but I had allowed myself to be blinded. My feelings for him were secondary only to my mission, which had grown more complex in the last several hours. I needed to see Leia, needed to hear her reassuring words. 

When we landed on Yavin, Master Linnen and her new Padawan came to meet us with a stretcher to bring poor Kallan to the medical wing. I had called ahead to make them aware. Linnen pressed her slender green fingers against the sides of his temples and hummed under her breath as she assessed his condition. She nodded towards me. 

"You've done a fine job here, Kendo. He is healing well from his injuries." I nodded at her, accepting her praise with only a tiny bit of pride. As they wheeled Kallan away, he grabbed my hand, smiling. 

"Thank you so much, Master Kendo. For everything." His voice was shaky, but so much better than it had been before we left Endor. I returned his smile.

"May the Force be With you Kallan." I said, pressing a light kiss to his sweaty forehead. 

I gathered my pack from the ship, anxious to get to my quarters and settled before I was called to Master Luke's chambers for a debriefing. I wandered through the dim halls, looking for Ben, wondering what he was going to tell his uncle about our delay. If prompted I would of course be honest, but it was Ben's story to tell. I was starting to feel a little in over my head. 

I turned a corner, entering into a long hall that branched off into what Master Luke had turned into training rooms. I could see Ben in the shadows, towering over his uncle as they talked in short, abrupt sentences, tension rolling off of them in waves. I hung back, not wishing to interrupt this awkward moment between family members. 

Luke's distant voice rose and fell. I could sense his frustration with his nephew as he struggled to keep his anger under control. Ben had a way of pushing his buttons unlike any other student he'd trained. Although his face was mostly in shadow, I could just make out his furrowed brow and pleading eyes, fixed on Ben as he paced around his uncle. He was trying to intimidate Luke, but it wasn't working, frustrating Ben even more. He was used to making his size work for him. 

Suddenly Ben's right arm shot out, Force pushing Luke into the stone wall behind him. Luke was clearly caught off guard by his nephew, but retaliated swiftly, blocking another push and pinning Ben's arms to his sides. I heard his words this time as he addressed his nephew.

"Ben, we're frightened for you, frightened BY you. And all we want to do is help. Please, won't you consider it? Your mother is..." But Ben interrupted his words with a deep, guttural yell. 

"STOP IT!" He screamed, trying to break free from Master Luke's grasp. I could see the veins in his neck and forehead as he strained against Luke. "You don't want to help me! You just want my power, same as my mother. You want to use my power for your own ends!"

"Ben, NO! That's not what we want at all! Whatever this Snoke has been filling your head with is lies, Ben. Can't you see that? Are you so blind to the seduction of the Dark Side?!" 

I moved forward without realizing it, and looking at Luke's face, I could see the tears brimming in his blue eyes as he pleaded with Ben, begging him to see reason. But Ben's jaw was set firm, his mind unwavering in whatever decision he'd made. Luke released him and spoke to him again, this time softly, reassuringly. 

"Ben, we all want what's best for you. But you have to see that this isn't it. Whatever you've been fed, whatever you may want to believe, it's just not. Your place is here, with your family. With Kendo."

I ducked back at the sound of my name, hoping I hadn't been noticed. No, I had not been. Good. They were too wrapped up in their conversation to even sense that I was a mere few feet away. 

"Don't you dare use Kendo against me like that, Uncle," Ben spat, pacing away again. "Kendo will join me if that's what I want. She is mine, regardless of what the rest of you may think." I heard this and stifled a gasp, more curious about their conversation than ever. 

Luke reached for his nephew, trying to pull him in, stop whatever was happening. Ben wheeled away from his uncle's grasp, ignoring his calls as he stalked down the hall, his footfalls fading. 

In the wake of Ben's dramatic exit, I could hear Luke softly sobbing, his hands over his face. I made my way down the hall towards him, gently touching his shoulder. He lowered his hands and smiled softly when he saw my face.

"You saw, Kendo?" He asked, wiping his eyes and composing himself.

"I did, Master." I said, drawing him in for a hug. I felt his strong arms wrap around me, returning the embrace. He released me and stepped back, straightening his tunic. 

"I think it's almost time." I nodded, knowing exactly what he referred to. 

"Will Leia be joining us soon?" I asked, hopeful. 

Luke nodded. "Yes, she should be joining us in a few days." 

An awkward silence settled between us as Luke led the way to a comfortable room where we could talk. There wasn't much to say as he informed me he was aware of the confrontation with the pirates, although he didn't know the reason why both we and the pirates were on Endor. I filled in the blanks for him, telling him about the case and its contents. 

Luke drew back as I described the helmet settled in its case. His right hand immediately went to his beard as his eyes narrowed.

"Ben is becoming unstable." He said finally, exhaling in a long, shaky sigh. He rose from his seat and walked to me, placing his hands on my shoulders. 

"Now is when you will have to be strong, Kendo," he said seriously, his eyes locked with mine. "These next few days or weeks may be very dangerous for you. Ben is fighting an internal battle that only he can decide which side wins."

As I let his words sink into my heart I realized that I too was fighting a battle of my own. And my battle was also one that only Ben could decide the winner.


	21. A Goodbye

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought this would be the last chapter, but it did not turn out that way. Please let me know what you think as this story reaches its finale. Thank you!

The next several weeks were spent in a tense flurry of preparation. The Resistance, utilizing the Yavin Temple as a base of operations were readying for war. Meanwhile, I met with Luke to complete my training and with Leia to analyze every single situation I could find myself facing while undercover. 

Ben had been sent on a series of routine supply missions. Luke no longer trusted him with training other Jedi, he had been so sullen and moody after their confrontation. And when he made brief stops at the Temple between missions, our interactions were tense and mostly fueled by sex. That dark state of arousal had stayed with me after our encounter on Endor and Ben was more than happy to comply. Our sex was suddenly rough, quick, and dirty. He was using me to release his tension just as much as I was using him to release mine. 

After weeks of intense training sessions, Master Luke allowed me a few days to assist Master Linnen on a short mission to help assess the situation in the Borderlands. There were still so many people getting injured or becoming ill in the ruins of the affected areas that there was a shortage of medical help. 

I was happy to be free of the Temple for a little while. Since our return to Yavin after the incident on Endor, I had been in a state of high alert. What we were waiting for seemed just around the corner. 

Leia expected that he would decide to leave in the middle of the night. She thought it suited his "flair for the dramatic" as she put it. I had a bag packed and ready in my ship as well as extra rations and medical supplies. I felt like I was prepared for anything. 

In the days before I left for the Borderlands, Captain Han Solo came to Yavin during a short break in his racing schedule. We laughed together as we went over my ship, screw by screw to ensure that it was ready for a long time in open space. He was only there overnight and after sharing a meal with the Skywalker twins and Captain Solo, he pulled me aside when I got up to head to bed. 

"Hey kid, you got a sec?" He said, his trademark crooked grin bringing a smile to my face. 

"Sure I do!" We grabbed a seat in Master Luke's sitting room and sat across from one another at a small table. Han rested his elbows on the table and shrugged, uncomfortable with intimate conversations, just like his son.

"Well, I don't know how to put this so I'm just going to come right out and say it. I want to thank you for what you're doing for Ben." He raked his silver hair back with his left hand and smiled at me. I knew this was the smile that caught a young Princess Leia's heart. I leaned across the table and grabbed his hands, calloused and tough from his years piloting starships and fighting in wars. 

"Anything, Han." His eyes filled with bitter tears over the years lost with his son. Years filled with resentment and a crippling inability to relate to his only child.

"You're the best thing that's happened to him, Kendo. No matter what happens, don't forget that." He got up and pulled me to my feet for a long, comforting hug. I didn't know when I would see him again, and the realization brought the sting of tears to my eyes. 

Master Linnen would travel in the hulking hospital ship, The Convalesce, one of the only large ships the Order possessed. She didn't get to utilize its capabilities that often, and was pleased, running her slender green hands along its sides. Meanwhile, the final crates of supplies were loaded in through the cargo bay. 

I would follow in my small cruiser, able to leave in a moment's notice if I was called upon. Leia had loaned us two of the Resistance's finest doctors who were already onboard, familiarizing themselves with the ship's hospital capabilities. 

Master Linnen and her team would be in the Borderlands for as long as necessary, however I would be expected back at the Temple within three days, as per my agreement with Master Luke. He did not like the idea of me leaving at this critical time, but I begged and pleaded. He finally relented, but with the stipulation that I return immediately if called upon and that no matter what, I would return in three days. A pitifully short amount of time, considering the needs of the Borderlands peoples right now, but I agreed, happy to be able to help at all. 

While I checked over my supplies one last time, I heard a hollow metallic step on the ladder leading to the entry hatch. Leia's head suddenly poked through the main compartment floor as she came into the ship, surveying my supplies with an impressed smile. 

"Ben and Han always told me how well you had restored this ship, but I never quite expected this!" She said, bringing the blood into my face in a warm blush. I smiled in response, happy to show her my pride and joy. 

"I hope I'll still be here when you return, Kendo. But I can't guarantee it," she said, showing me the comlink to let me know she was only a quick call away. "Regardless, please don't hesitate to call us, even if it's only to say hello." 

I nodded, "Thank you so much for everything, Leia." I suddenly threw my arms around her, hugging her tightly and breathing in her warm, motherly aura. She returned my hug and then drew back, smiling at me. 

"You take good care of yourself, Kendo." She said simply. She, along with Master Luke had provided me the tools to do so. 

"I will, Leia." She brushed my black hair away from my face and hugged me close again before turning and heading down the ladder. Another ache in my chest appeared as well as this sense of longing. A longing for a better time, a more simple time that likely had never actually existed. It was time to go.


	22. Departure

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the final chapter of Chronicle One! Thank you for reading, please let me know what you think!

The main star system of the Trans-Hydian Borderlands was the First Order's prime target during the attacks. Even from space, the damage was clear. This would be where Master Linnen set up her base of operations, right outside the capital city where the attacks occurred. 

I settled my ship in the same area and got to work. With only three days here, I didn't have time to spare. I settled my datapad in a hidden pocket inside my tunic and grabbed my supply bag. 

The scene was chaotic. Fires burned everywhere, the infrastructure responsible for extinguishing them likely now gone in the attacks. It seemed crazy that I was here weeks ago and that the situation had only worsened. Many people had succumbed to their injuries and died where they stood, leaving bodies strewn all over while the rest paced about like shambling corpses awaiting their fate. We certainly had our work cut out for us. 

While Master Linnen established a triage system, I led a team of civilians into the smoking ruins of the city to see if we could find anyone alive. 

The shattered shells of once magnificent buildings stood against the blackened sky while we made our way through the streets. I had never seen so many dead people, their bodies already rotting away under layers of soot from the fires. The dead we patiently tagged for later pick up, Linnen was determined that they be disposed of respectfully. 

After hours of carefully piecing our way through the city, I decided it was time to head back to the ships. There were only the dead here, and the still living needed my help. 

Master Linnen's careful triage plan had worked. The people were lined up in three specific lines awaiting help, one for injuries, one for illness and one for routine medical care. That line held mostly expectant mothers, their arms holding their big, swollen bellies, concerned their children would be born in this awful place. I entered the hospital ship and found Master Linnen. 

"Any luck, Kendo?" She asked when I found her, her overall calm in the face of such destruction making me admire her all the more. She sat within a small brightly lit room, waiting for her next patient. 

"No, Master," I said sadly, shaking my head. "The ruins are filled with the dead, which will have to be dealt with, but at another time. We marked as many as we could." 

She nodded in reply and directed me towards a room similar to hers. "You may set up here if you like, Kendo," she swept her long green arm around the room, pointing to where I would find supplies should I need them. "There is a room of Bacta tanks down the hall, but do what you can here first." She returned to her own healing room while I got settled in. 

The hours passed in a blur. So many injured people and so little time to really make a difference. I pressed my hands against so many cuts and bruises, saved limbs from having to be amputated and saved lives by amputating limbs. I didn't have time to think, to consider that perhaps Ben shared some of the responsibility for all of this. In truth, I didn't want to think about it. 

When I finished up for the day, I looked around the stark white room, now smudged with black everywhere from the filth of war. I quickly washed my hands and removed sheets and towels for washing, wiping smudges off the walls. All of the rooms would be disinfected overnight while the Force healers were made to sleep, leaving the majority of the work to be done by civilians. To press ourselves too much meant putting our own lives at risk. 

I made my way to my ship to shower and sleep, nodding to the doctors and nurses I passed, still triaging an endless stream of patients into the hospital rooms. I passed Linnen who only had strength enough to muster a weak smile before heading to her own bunk to rest. I cursed Master Luke under my breath, wishing he had allowed me more time here to help. But I had other responsibilities, I reminded myself ruefully. 

After cleaning the grime from my skin and making sure I had something to eat, I settled into my bunk for a few hours to try and recover some of my energy. I tossed and turned fitfully, the scenes of death and destruction playing over and over again in my mind. Finally sleep overtook my brain and everything was quiet. 

Who knows how long I slept, it could have been hours, it could have been minutes. I awoke to a tinny alarm sounding and a scratchy voice calling my name. Fumbling around in the dark I found my datapad, still in my tunic pocket, lit up and screeching at me in the dark. I blinked and tried to clear the sleep from my eyes as I typed in my passcode. 

Leia's face appeared, blue and blurry on my datapad screen. She was obviously concerned and kept glancing over her shoulder. Her voice crackled again. "Kendo! Kendo are you there? Kendo?"

I pressed the transmit pad, "Yes, yes, Leia! I am here! Do you copy?"

Relief washed over her face as she heard my voice. She brought the comlink up to her face again and whispered desperately into it.

"The Temple is under attack, Kendo. I repeat, the Temple is under attack....crackle crackle...under....crackle....should you return at this time. Do you copy?"

"Please repeat, Leia, your comlink is breaking up!" I replied, clutching my chest in fear. The Temple? Why would they attack the Temple? I started flicking on lights and pulling on my tattered clothing from before. 

"Do NOT, I repeat do NOT return to the Temple at this time, Kendo!" Her crackly voice returned, desperate to send a clear message. "We are evacuating the Resistance and will be sending orders to Master Linnen and her team as well to abort her mission. The First Order is making its way to your location. You need to leave immediately." My heart pounded in my throat as she said this and my first thoughts were of Ben.

"Is he there, Leia?" I asked, afraid of her response.

"No, Kendo, and we haven't been able to raise him on our communications. He may be in deep space still." I could hear screams and whirling lightsabers behind her. I clutched my chest again, willing my heartbeat to slow. "Myself or Poe will be in touch with a rendezvous point as soon as we are able to determine one. Please remain in your ship and take cover wherever you can." Leia's face faded out as I caught a glimpse of the chaos erupting around her. I didn't care what she said, I had to return to the Temple. It was my only home.

I quickly prepared for take-off, slipping on my boots and buckling on my lightsaber belt as I entered the cockpit. Entering the coordinates into the hyperdrive system, I stood tapping my foot impatiently as it calculated the safest and fastest route. I'd have to enter hyperspace as soon as I broke free of this planet's gravity in order to make it to the Temple as quickly as I could. Finally it calculated a route and I was ready to go.

I glanced out of my windows, the hospital ship directly in front of mine. At this time, Linnen was likely receiving her abort mission communique. I could picture her calmly reviewing the holo in my mind, her smooth green face serene as she contemplated what Leia was saying. I could also see her calmly turning off the holo, turning off the communications as she approached the rest of the staff, leaving the decision up to them. But I knew no matter what, Linnen would not, could not leave. She would wonder what had happened to me, but there was no time. I shot off into space, the roar of the engines drowning out the roar of the flames within the city for just a moment. Within seconds I was free of the planet's gravity and had entered the calm of hyperspace. Soon I would be landing on Yavin. I hoped there was still time. 

I nodded off a bit at the controls, dreaming of meeting Ben at the bazaar back in the Balvian system. This time, after having tea and showing him the modifications to my ship, I declined his offer to merge our missions, shaking my head sadly at him. In my dream, all romantic ties with Ben had been severed long ago. I was committed to being a Healer and committed to furthering myself and even becoming a doctor. I saw the hurt on his face as I told him no, but in the dream, I was not hurt. I was sure in my decisions and sure of my path with the Jedi. The autopilot sounded, bringing me back to reality again. I was approaching Yavin, it was time to get ready.

I splashed my face with cold water and sat at the controls again, gliding the ship through the thick cloud covering of the jungle world. Immediately I saw the Temple in flames, lighting up the night around it and my heart sank. I put the ship down as quickly as I could and exited, my lightsaber already in my hands. 

The roar of the flames and the screams of innocent Jedi filled the air. I choked on the smoke and the stench of burning jungle. I ran to the courtyard, bodies strewn about and found someone alive, a young Padawan, I couldn't even think of his name. 

"What happened here, Padawan?" I asked, wiping the tears from his eyes and assessing his wounds. 

"The First Order, Master," he replied weakly. He couldn't have been more than eleven years old, his body growing weaker by the second. I looked closely at his wounds. Lightsaber burns? That didn't seem right. The First Order wouldn't have lightsabers. Maybe he had hurt himself trying to defend the Temple. I pressed my palm to his forehead and quickly calmed him. He was going to die and nothing right now would help that, but I could help him feel better about it at least. I kissed his young forehead lightly. 

"Luminous beings are we, Padawan. May the Force be With You." He clutched at my hand weakly and smiled as his eyes closed, probably for the last time. I brushed the tears from my eyes and continued on. 

There were so many bodies, I couldn't stop at every single one. I entered the Temple, trying to see if there was anyone alive as an eerie calm had settled over everything. I heard thunder rumble in the distance as a storm moved in. Hopefully it would extinguish some of these flames...

I made my way through the ancient corridors, searching for Master Luke or Leia, a droid, SOMETHING I could talk to. The flames were located primarily in the core of the building, and as I got closer, the halls grew too hot to stand in. I turned back towards the entrance and ran, wanting to be free of the oppressive heat. As I neared the entryway, a tall figure stood silhouetted against the flames that burned just outside. I stopped in my tracks and raised my lightsaber, igniting it, ready to defend my home. 

The figure lowered their hood, revealing a black helmet, it's brow menacingly lined with silver and scored from battle. They cocked their head while contemplating me, dark pits where their eyes should have been absorbing all the light around us. My heartbeat quickened as I took a step forward. I attempted to Force push them aside, but was met with resistance. This figure was a Force wielder as well. And powerfully strong. 

They stepped towards me, large boots clunking on the stones of the Temple's entryway. I raised my lightsaber again and gestured at them. Suddenly another figure shot out from a hidden corridor, a green lightsaber raised high. It was Kallan, coming to defend me. How he had managed to hide for so long I would never know. The figure blocking the entryway pushed him away with the the Force, dramatically slamming him against the stone walls. A lightsaber ignited and cut Kallan down brutally, leaving his dead body at my feet, his light brown eyes glazing over as they rolled back in his head. I looked up at the figure again and saw the lightsaber. It was Ben's, the unstable blade and it's cross guard crackling menacingly in the red glow. 

"Ben?" I asked, turning off my own blade. My curiosity was stronger than my fear as I walked towards the mysterious figure. The cross-guarded blade was extinguished and clipped to their belt in a smooth, fluid motion. 

The figure nodded then shook his head within its helmet and a mechanized voice, deep and unforgiving spoke. 

"I am Kylo Ren. Your Ben is gone." 

I came closer, peering into those darkened pits. I stood on tiptoe, examining this man before me, this Kylo Ren. I felt his Force signature, familiar but somehow strange. His robes were black, tattered as if from many battles and every inch of him was covered in protective clothing. I reached out to touch his arm when I heard a voice behind me.

"BEN!" It was Leia, running from somewhere deep within the Temple. Her dark flight suit was singed from the fire and her face smudged with soot. She came to an abrupt stop when she saw me standing before him. "Kendo!" 

I turned away from Kylo Ren to face her and heard a mechanized hiss. Leia gasped and I turned again to see him removing his helmet, revealing the handsome face of my Ben Solo within. 

"Watch it burn, Mother." He said, smirking, his voice hard. The dark energy spilled out of him, wrapping around me and binding me to him. Our Force bond was nearly visible again. 

"Watch me fulfill the dreams of your Father. Something you could never do." 

I heard the the stuttering ion engine of a shuttle landing and saw an evil looking bat-like ship landing in the courtyard, the gangplank opening as its wings folded to a peak. Kylo Ren took my elbow and gently turned me towards the Temple doors. 

"Leia!" I yelled, wrenching free from his grasp. She put her hand out, stopping me. 

"Go, Kendo." She swallowed hard, tears brimming in her eyes. "And May the Force Be With You." She backed off, waving me away. 

I turned to Kylo Ren who stood, offering me his right arm. He spoke in a clipped voice into a comlink, bidding someone to take my ship and follow his. 

As I wound my arm through his and allowed him to escort me to his ship, I turned to Leia one last time. She stood there, weeping, still waving me away. I choked back my own tears and continued on. 

We entered the command shuttle and turned to face the Temple one more time. Kylo looked down on me, proud of me somehow. As the gangplank closed and the ship rose into the night, Kylo Ren pressed his lips to mine, closing the door forever on this chapter of my life. 

 

        The End of Chronicle One


End file.
